Le Plus Ca Change...
by Chibi-Dave
Summary: A young martial artist and his fiancee face trials and tribulations on the rocky road to romance. Their names? Kobuta Hibiki and Sachiko Tendo...
1. Default Chapter Title

LE PLUS CA CHANGE...  
Just another Ranma 1/2 fanfiction  
By Dave Menard  
  
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: Rumiko Takahashi-megamisama and others  
own the original situations + characters. All A.N.C.'s are my  
fault.  
  
********************************  
  
"Those who forget the painful lessons of history are  
doomed to repeat them." -Someone Much Wiser Than The Author  
  
"Those who forget the cause of the War of 1812 may be  
doomed to repeat History 101" -The Author  
  
"The sins of the Fathers are visited upon the sons, unto  
the seventh generation..." -The Bible  
  
"We are all cursed to turn into our parents..."-Anonymous  
  
  
It was a perfectly normal Tuesday morning at Furinkan  
High School. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and  
assorted mysterious figures lurked ominously in the shadows,  
waiting to wreak horrible vengeance upon a certain martial  
artist.  
  
The young man in question walked through the gates of the  
school, accompanied by his fiancee, the youngest Tendo sister.  
The two were studiously attempting to ignore each other, as  
usual, when suddenly, the cry rang out:  
  
"KOBUTA HIBIKI, PREPARE TO DIE!!!!"  
  
The reader may be forgiven for being surprised. You were  
expecting maybe Ranma Saotome? If so, I'm afraid you'll be  
disappointed. Ranma Saotome hasn't been a student here in  
twenty years. As a matter of fact, the pretty young lady whose  
fiance has just been attacked is in fact his youngest  
daughter, Sachiko Tendo. Confused yet? You will be...  
  
Kobuta sighed. It was the same thing every day. He  
charged forward to meet his opponent. Let's see, he thought.  
It's Tuesday, so that must mean...  
  
"FIREBALL!!!" A colossal burst of flame exploded directly  
to his left. He flipped nimbly to his right, coming up in a  
ready crouch. The delicately pretty girl he faced laughed  
menacingly. Or, at least, it was intended to be menacing. In  
point of fact, the only thing terrifying about Lina Gosunkugi  
was her power. Physically, she was perhaps one of the  
prettiest girls Kobuta had ever seen. Long, wavy black hair,  
bright green eyes, a petite but shapely figure. The fact that  
she affected a "goth" image only made her seem more exotic to  
a country boy like Kobuta. He really wished they didn't have  
to fight all the time, but that wasn't by HIS choice. As a  
matter of fact, it was all the fault of...  
  
A sudden blow to the head sent Kobuta flying across the  
quad. Fortunately for Kobuta, the hardest part of a Hibiki is  
the head, so he merely picked himself up and snarled at the  
jerk who struck him from behind.  
  
"Hah! Gotcha now, you stupid hick!" said jerk mocked. He  
was a older boy, tall and whip-thin, long wavy black hair tied  
back into a ponytail. His uniform was decorated with various  
badges and patches that declared him leader of the "Raging  
Bulls", a local gang of deliquents Principal Hinako had long  
been trying to eradicate.  
  
"I'm warning you, Burakuro, back off!" Kobuta cried,  
rubbing the goose-egg growing on the back of his head. "I'm  
not in the mood today..."  
  
"Hohohohohoho..." Burakuro laughed. Now HE had the  
villainous laugh _down_. He tossed his head and consciously  
struck a pose he knew highlighted his bishonen good looks.  
"That's Upperclassman Taro to you, hayseed! I'm sick of you  
showing me up, making me look bad in front of Achika!"  
  
"Hey, it's not like I go out of my way to do it,  
Upperclasshole! You do three quarters of it to yourself!"  
  
The Achika in question took that as her cue, and  
teleported onto Kobuta's arm, employing the glomp that got her  
mother the coveted position of Co-Empress of Jurai. Burakuro  
was knocked onto his keister by a quick snap kick from the new  
arrival.  
  
"Aww, Kobutaaaa..." she purred fetchingly in his ear,  
causing his hair to stand on end. "You'll protect me from the  
big, bad Upperclassman, won't you?"  
  
"Gaaah! C'mon Achika, give me break, please?" Kobuta  
flailed in Achika's grip to no avail. The spiky-haired alien  
girl had him in the Hakubi glomp (tm, pat. pend.) from which  
there was no escape. No escape, that is, until a lightning  
bolt nearly parted Achika's hair. Whoops, thought Kobuta.  
forgot about Gosunkugi...  
  
"You stay away from my Burakuro-chan, you alien hussy!"  
Lina cried, winding up for another bolt. Achika pulled a face.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you, witchy-poo, I  
DON'T LIKE HIM!!!"   
  
"Oh, say it ain't so, my goddess of the stars!!" Taro  
lunged forward for a glomp of his own, but Achika  
dematerialized, leaving Burakuro with an armful of pissed-off  
Kobuta.  
  
"Get OFFA me, you fruitcake!!" Kobuta cried, flinging  
Taro face-first into the concrete. Forgetting all thoughts of  
vengeance against alien princesses and Hibikis, Lina cried out  
in horror and ran to the unconscious Taro's side.  
  
"Oh, no! Burakuro-chan? Burakuro-chan? Are you all  
right?" She grabbed him by the shoulders and began shaking him  
violently. "Please wake up, honey-poo!"  
  
Taro merely drooled.  
  
"Phew," said Kobuta. "Thank goodness THAT'S over. Now,  
where did Sachiko get off to?"  
  
"Kobuta-Airen want to skip school, take Ti-Pi on date?" a  
sing-song voice called from above. With a groan, Kobuta looked  
up to see a winged Amazon descending from the sky, a Chinese  
Take-Away box held daintily in hand. She giggled, as kawaii as  
a box of kittens as she tossed her deep sea-green hair over  
her shoulder. He barely had time to register her presence when  
he felt as much as heard someone alight behind him. Before he  
had a chance to react, an almost feline voice purred in his  
ear.  
  
"Yes, Future Nephew, why not take my Niece on a date?"  
  
"Gaah!" Kobuta jumped backwards a good five meters.  
Panting, he faced the gorgeous thirty-something Chinese woman.  
"Geez, Old Woman, you shouldn't _do_ that to a guy!"  
  
"Who're you calling old?!" Ti-Pi's Aunt responded with a  
whack upside the boy's head with a bonbori. "I'll have you  
know I'm the youngest Matriarch in 3000 years of Amazon  
history! Now smarten up and take Ti-Pi out! She even made you  
some of her "special" ramen... nudge, nudge, wink wink..."  
  
"Aiyahh! Is true, Airen!" Ti-Pi landed in front of him  
with a cute little curtsey. "Come with Ti-Pi, she show you  
Amazon Noodle Trick!"  
  
"I, er..." Kobuta hawed. "Er, thanks but no thanks, Ti-  
Pi, I..." He twiddled his fingers nervously. "It really  
wouldn't be right and all, me bein' engaged..."  
  
"Now now, Future Nephew, it seems to me that Miss Tendo  
isn't all that interested..." Ti-Pi's Aunt said with a grin.  
  
"Huh?" Kobuta said, looking startled.   
  
Across the quad, Sachiko joined two of her friends and  
made her way indoors, completely ignoring the trials and  
tribulations of the Hibiki boy behind her. Her friend Chugoku,  
the bespectacled Mistress of Hidden-Weapons-Style Okonomiyaki  
Martial arts, adjusted her glasses and looked back.  
  
"Wow, look at him go! You really lucked out, sugar!  
Kobuta is one heck of a good martial artist... Kinda cute,  
too, in an 'I just-fell-off-the-turnip-truck' sort of way."  
  
"I honestly couldn't care less, Chugoku." Sachiko said  
scornfully as she flipped her long black pigtail over her  
shoulder. "If you like him so much, why don't YOU marry the  
oaf?"  
  
"Tsk." The third girl tsked, breaking her attention away  
from her appraisal of Hibiki's martial skill. Unless she  
stepped up her training regimen, she'd never manage to beat  
him. "Kuonjii appears to be enamoured of that most delicious  
stud-muffin Keiichi Tofu in class E-3."  
  
"Kin! I am not!" Chugoku cried, blushing.  
  
"Verily? Then why do thine glasses always fog up whenever  
you see him? And why dost thou behave like one of the mentally  
impaired whenever you attempt to parlay with the majorly-hot  
Tofu-san?"  
  
"I'm just shy, that's all..."  
  
Kin laughed uproariously. Sachiko turned to the taller  
girl, a sly smile on her face.   
  
"Well, we all know who my dear, sweet cousin Kin's got  
the hots for, don't we?"  
  
"Do not presume to 'go there', Tendo, I swear I shall  
make thy life a living hell, family or no!"  
  
"Oooh! Who is it? Who is it?"  
  
"I am in earnest, Tendo." Kin levelled a icy glare on her  
cousin. "Tell her, and I shall triple the interest rate on  
your loan!"  
  
"Oh, alright..." Sachiko said in a long suffering tone.  
"But lay off, okay? I just wanna go to class, and not even  
THINK about a certain baka martial artist jock..."  
  
"Fine, fine..."  
  
"So uh, guys?" Chugoku interjected. "D'you know what the  
quiz today in Home Ec's gonna be? I forgot to study..."  
  
Kin leaned over and smirked. "The mystery ingredient in  
today's cuisine battle will be..."  
  
"Yeah? Yeah?"  
  
"500 yen, up-front."  
  
"Aargh! Here! Now spill it, Kuno!"  
  
"Very well, my ill-prepared compatriot. Today's mystery  
ingredient is..." She paused dramatically for effect, "Pork!"   
  
Sachiko smiled fiercely. "Did I ever tell you guys how  
much I LOVE Home Ec?"  
  
**************************   
  
In the living room of the Tendo house, two men rapidly  
approaching middle age sat across from each other, a game of  
Mah-Jongg underway between them. The burlier of the two, a  
scruffy-looking man sporting a pot-belly and a yellow and  
black bandanna over his balding pate, leaned forward eagerly.  
He was one tile away from a Pong!  
  
"Say, Ranma... Isn't that one of the giant pink bats of  
Madagascar over there?"  
  
"Where?" He glanced around. "I don't see anything, Ryoga,  
I... Hunh?" The other man, slimmer and with a full head of  
slowly-greying hair pulled back into a pigtail looked down at  
his point counters. He could have sworn... He stroked his chin  
contemplatively. "Didn't I have fewer tiles than this?"  
  
"Never mind that now. Look! Pong for me!"  
  
"Aww. Do over! C'mon, Ryoga, do over!"  
  
"Not a chance, Ranma, not a chance. And that makes a full  
Mah-Jongg, so... Another game to me!"  
  
"Grr. You wanna take this out to the dojo, pig-boy?"  
  
"Tsk. Sticks and stones, Ranma... But, if you insist-"  
Ryoga casually reached over and grabbed him by his shirtfront.  
Using his still-titanic strength, he casually tossed Ranma  
over his shoulder and through the screens separating the  
sitting room from the back yard.  
  
Ranma rolled with the impact and came up in a fighting  
crouch, grinning fiercely. Ryoga bounded through the hole left  
by Ranma's passage, landing in front of his host, a fanged  
grin creasing his features.  
  
"Just like old times, eh Ryoga?" Ranma smirked.  
  
"Just like 'em," Ryoga grunted, before lunging in for the  
attack.  
  
**********************************  
  
  
The two sat in the shambles of the rock garden, panting  
and laughing. Ryoga glanced around. "Whoa. We really made a  
mess of the garden..."  
  
"Whoops!" Ranma laughed, getting to his feet. "Better get  
out the rakes and fix this, otherwise Sachiko'll kill us..."  
Soon the two were hard at work repairing the damage they  
caused.  
  
"So, whaddya think?" Ranma said between passes of the  
bamboo rake. "D'you think our ungrateful children are _ever_   
gonna get married?"  
  
"Of course they will. The Anything-Goes school, the  
Hibiki School of One Righteous Fist and the Unryu School of  
Sumo will be united, just like we planned. They'll come around  
eventually. After all, you and Akane did..."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. I just wish... Akane could see our  
baby girls now... All grown up..." Without warning, he broke  
into convulsive sobs, sending streamers of tears across the  
room, drenching his friend.  
  
"Grunt!" Said the large black pig, his vast girth  
quivering. He held up a wooden sign in his front trotter,  
reading:  
  
"Yeesh, Ranma, _warn_ me the next time you're gonna do  
that, willya?..."  
  
"Oh, Ryoga... Everything was going SO smoothly in the  
beginning, wasn't it?"  
  
***************************  
  
Ranma Tendo sat zazen on the back porch, looking out  
across the immaculately groomed garden. Tears streamed down  
his face while a joyous smile spread across his features. He  
glanced back down at the postcard, which bore a large pink pig  
in sumo regalia on the front. It read:  
  
"Bringing Kobuta from Okayama. Ryoga."  
  
The missive was dated for a month ago, so they should be  
showing up any time now..."It's about time!!" Ranma stood up,  
clenching the postcard in one callused fist, and set out to  
gather up his daughters.  
  
He peered into the dojo, where his eldest daughter was  
practicing. She was a blur of motion, her blue eyes flashing,  
short-cropped black hair flying as she whirled through her  
routines. Fists and feet flew, displaying her father's amazing  
speed and her late mother's awesome strength. Her resemblance  
to her mother brought a tear to her father's eye.  
  
Clearing his throat, he called out to her. "Ranko!"   
  
She paused in the midst of her kata, poised in the  
completion of a movement that combined sheer beauty of form  
with deadliest of intent. She looked over her shoulder towards  
the house. Tsk. Father knew better than to disturb her while  
she was practicing! She had a tournament tomorrow, and this  
was going to be the year she took the all-Japan title!  
  
"What is it, Pop? I'm a little busy right now, y'know,  
practicin'?"   
  
"Come into the house, sweetie. Family meeting time."  
  
"This better not be about no fiance crap. Auntie Nabiki  
warned me about "family meetings"...  
  
"Um, er... Of course not! Whatever gave you that idea?"  
  
"Okay, fine, sorry Pop. Just keepin' my guard up like you  
taught me..."  
  
"Mmhmm." Ranma nodded, going into proud father mode.  
"Daughter, you make your Father proud." he said with a smile.  
"Go get your little sister, and meet me back here after you've  
showered."  
  
Reluctantly, Ranko nodded, before setting out for the  
house. Ranma watched her go, pride swelling his heart. Ranko  
was the best martial artist he could make her, easily ten  
times better than her mother had been at her age. Not as good  
as HE'd been, of course, he chuckled to himself. But then  
again, who was? Yes, Ranko was truly a worthy student of the  
Anything Goes School. His OTHER daughter, however...  
  
Sachiko hummed happily to herself as she chopped the  
cabbage for tonight's dinner. It was such a joy to cook for  
her loved ones. With Auntie Kasumi and Grandmother Saotome's  
help, she'd become as good a cook, as good a _woman_, as her  
mother was. Daddy even said that her cooking was better than  
Mother's, but surely he was simply exaggerating...  
  
A sarcastic snort caused her to pause in her labours. she  
turned, to see her big sister leaning in the doorway.  
  
"No _wonder_ Daddy thinks you're such a disappointment,  
Sachiko..."  
  
"Tsk." Sachiko glared at her annoying big sister. "Not  
everyone thinks the world revolves around _martial arts_,  
Ranko!"  
  
"It does in this house, Sacchi. How're you ever gonna  
represent the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts if you're  
such a girly-girl?"  
  
"Hmmph. Devoting your life to being the best there is at  
beating people up isn't exactly my idea of a good livelihood,  
Ranko. This _is_ the twenty-first century, you know. Martial  
arts are for thugs and barbarians." The younger girl paused,  
taking a deep breath. "Did you just come here to insult me, or  
did you want something?"  
  
"Yeah, Pop is callin' a family meetin' at the dojo, so  
take off that stoopid apron an' getcher butt out there..."  
  
"Honestly! Do you and Daddy want to eat or not? SOMEbody  
has to look after these things..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, nobody appreciates you, yadda yadda..."  
  
**********************  
  
Some distance away, at the Nerima train station...  
  
"Japan Rail 23 from Okayama now arriving on track four!"  
  
The train pulled up and opened its doors, disgorging a  
herd of salarymen and office ladies who began to scurry  
towards the turnstiles, heedless of the driving rain. They  
were, however, quite mindful of the squealing, snorting  
presence of two large pigs, one domestic and black, the other  
a bristly, tusked wild boar. Both were gigantic, easily five  
feet tall at the shoulders, with red lacquered umbrellas  
clenched in their mouths and matching black and yellow  
kerchiefs tied around their necks. For all their imposing  
size, the beasts seemed remarkably placid, one would almost  
say domesticated. Grunting between themselves, they trotted  
off the platform and into the city streets, the boar seeming  
to lead the other.  
  
*******************  
  
Twenty minutes later, the Tendos were gathered in the  
Dojo, underneath the "Iroha" sign. Ranma knelt in front of his  
daughters, his face impassive. The two teenaged girls fidgeted  
nervously, for different reasons.  
  
Ranko's danger sense was working overtime, virtually  
screaming at her to flee the area, as impending doom was  
approaching. Sachiko was merely worried the rice would scorch.  
  
Ranma sighed, gathering himself. He focused his energies  
on projecting an air of fatherly authority. When he  
straightened, his eyes were firm and hard.  
  
"Ranko, Sachiko, I have wonderful news. A very old and  
dear friend of the family is coming to visit with his son..."  
  
Ranko stood up, eyes blazing. "I KNEW it! Stupid old man,  
I should'a known! I ain't gettin' married to nobody! You'd  
NEVER pull somethin' like this if Mom was still around! You-"  
  
"That's enough, Ranko!" Sachiko barked, grabbing her  
older sister's arm firmly. "No one said anything about getting  
married!"  
  
"Er, actually..." Ranma said, sotto voce.  
  
"Wha-at?!" Both daughters yelled, incredulous.  
  
"It's, er... not an arranged marriage, if that's what  
you're thinking..."  
  
"IT HAD BETTER NOT BE!!!" Ranko yelled.  
  
"So what is it then, Daddy?" Sachiko asked, her voice  
hard.   
  
"It's er, well, I would like it very much if one of you  
would _consider_ marrying this boy. He _is_ the son of a very  
good friend of your dear, departed mother and I, and heir to  
two very old schools of the Art... Now, don't look at me that  
way, I said _consider_!"  
  
"No way!" Sachiko cried. "I'm not marrying any idiot  
martial artist! Bad enough I have to put up with you two!"  
  
"Sachiko!" Ranma cried. "You break your father's heart!"  
  
"Heir to two schools, huh?" Ranko murmured, interested  
despite herself. "Is he any good?"  
  
"Actually..." Ranma answered, "I have no idea. I'd hope  
so, considering the fact his father is the only man who ever  
came close to beating me..."  
  
"That's not what Uncle Tatewaki says," Ranko quipped.  
"According to him, he whupped your butt all the time!"  
  
"Your Uncle Tatewaki is a moron." Ranma said hotly. "He  
couldn't touch me if I had my arms and legs tied behind my  
back, with my whole body sunken two feet into concrete and a  
bullseye painted on my chest. And I've got pictures to prove  
it. No, Ryoga is the only one who ever even came close..." His  
eyes grew misty. "When I think back on those days, I... Well,  
never mind. But please, both of you, give the boy a chance,  
will you?" He glanced up at his two darling daughters, only to  
realize that he no longer had their attention. Instead, the  
girls were focused on the doors of the dojo.  
  
"D-daddy?" Sachiko whispered. "There's a wild boar in the  
garden..."  
  
"Yeah, Pop, an' it's got a friend..."  
  
Ranma nodded. "Little black pig wearing a bandanna?"  
  
"Nuh-uh... BIG black pig wearing a bandanna..."  
  
The three Tendos piled out the door.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
*************************  
  
Well, there we go. I must acknowledge my inspirations for  
this story. The Realities Squared series by Jim Bader,  
Converging Series by various talented authors, Desire, a  
shortfic by Dreiser in her Life After Ranma series, my  
frequent collaborator and goad Rick Hall, and my Nihongo-no-  
sensei Marsha Higgins, who is partly to blame for the  
atrocious punnish names of many of the offspring. Be assured  
that she meant no harm, and any mistakes are my own and not  
hers. Oh yeah, and my lovely wife, for putting up with my  
insane cackling as I thought up potential pairings of  
characters.   
  
As to the specific ancestry on certain characters, I'm  
awarding a big fat invisible water-buffalo chip to whoever can  
guess who Lina's mother is, or who Ti-Pi's parents are. Note  
that all three are real Ranmaverse characters, from the manga  
or the anime. Or, if you're really interested, you can always  
just ask me nice. ^_^   
  
Just mail me at deibu_kun@sympatico.ca for all the answers.  
  
There is one question, however, that I will answer below.  
It should be obvious if you think about it, but here's the  
answer anyway.  
Why is P-chan so damn big now? Two reasons. One, he's  
aged some, and is no longer a piglet. Two, Akari's been  
feeding him a good Sumo Pig diet. It's all (well, mostly)  
muscle, baby!  
  
For more tasty fanfiction, visit http://spghome.tripod.com/  
The SpacePirates Guild. The yummiest in anime fanfiction! 


	2. Default Chapter Title

LE PLUS CA CHANGE...  
Just Another Ranma fanfiction  
By Dave Menard  
Part Two  
  
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: The original characters and situations  
were created by Rumiko Takahashi-megamisama, I'm just playing  
in her cursed pools...  
  
**********************  
  
Once upon a time, there was a man who was a martial  
artist. He met a girl, (well, several girls actually, but he  
only married one of 'em) and they had beautiful daughters  
together.  
  
They loving couple had ten happy years together. One day,  
however, his beautiful wife got sick, and, after a time, she  
passed away. This sad turn of events greatly affected the  
once-happy man. Where once he was bold and rash, he became  
emotionally fragile, a shadow of the great warrior he once  
was. But his daughters were a comfort to him, and so he  
survived her loss.  
  
There came a time when his daughters were almost grown,  
and he began to think of their futures. For the oldest his  
heart held no fear, since she was, to his mind, the perfect  
young woman, the very spit and image of his late wife. For his  
youngest, however, he worried.  
  
She was headstrong and fierce, and refused to listen to  
her father and become a traditional woman of their clan. She  
would, he felt, have a very tough time of things if he did not  
act to protect her interests and get her a good husband. (He  
thought this because he was, after all, Japanese, which  
implies a certain amount of sexism.)   
  
Thus, he contacted his oldest and dearest friend, a man  
with whom he had endured countless trials and tribulations.  
The man's friend had a son, who was possibly the greatest  
martial artist of his generation. Who better to marry his  
daughter? And so a marriage meeting was called. (Although the  
man, being fairly cunning, did not inform his daughters of  
this fact until it was too late for them to flee)  
  
The man's name was Ranma Tendo. And as to the outcome of  
that marriage meeting, well...  
  
**************************************  
  
"Daddy, why are there pigs in the garden?" Sachiko asked  
impatiently. The filthy beasts were getting hoofprints all  
over her freshly raked gravel!  
  
"Yeah, Pop, that one's got me beat too..." Ranko  
deadpanned. The errant porkers had _something_ to do with her  
baka father's idiot plan to marry one of them off, she was  
sure...  
  
Ranma himself was a little confused. What with the  
earlier cloudburst, he had expected perhaps _one_ visitor of  
the porcine persuasion, but two? He walked out into the  
garden, carefully keeping to the stepping stones. Approaching  
the slightly smaller of the two beasts, an enormous black pig  
sporting a yellow and black bandanna, he cleared his throat  
hesitantly.  
  
"Uhrm, You wouldn't be..?"  
  
The beast seemed to nod, before producing a wooden sign  
from nowhere that read:  
  
"Yep, It's me, Ryoga Hibiki. Sorry about your garden..."  
  
Ranma beamed. "Ryoga, my friend. How've you been?!" He  
clapped the oinker on the haunch. "Akari's been feeding you  
well, I see!"  
  
Both Tendo daughters goggled.  
  
"Daddy, do you mean to tell me that this... This ANIMAL  
is your 'old friend'?!" Sachiko paused, as a realization sank  
in. "That wild boar over there had BETTER not be..."  
  
The boar in question held up his own sign.  
  
"Kobuta Hibiki. What's the problem?"  
  
Sachiko fainted dead away. Ranko, for her part, merely  
stared, mouth gaping.  
  
"P-pop? I ain't marryin' no pig..."  
  
The boar blinked quizzically and held up a sign. "So  
what's wrong with pigs?"  
  
Ranko joined her sister on the ground.  
  
"Hmm..." Ranma muttered. "_That_ went better than  
expected..." The large black pig nodded in agreement.  
  
*********************************  
  
Sachiko awoke to the pleasant sensation of a cool cloth  
being tamped across her forehead by someone with a very gentle  
touch. Her eyes still closed, she murmured, smiling.  
  
"Ooh, that's nice, Ranko... I had the weirdest dream. I  
dreamed father was planning on marrying one of us off to a  
pig. Isn't that silly?"  
  
"Er, yeah, real silly..." A masculine voice answered.  
Sachiko's eyes shot open. She was in her room, on her bed, and  
most importantly, a handsome boy was looking down on her, a  
mix of concern and embarrassment on his face. He had thick,  
coarse brown hair with a pale blonde streak slightly off  
centre in his bangs. Some kind of birthmark, maybe? His eyes  
were dark brown, almost black, and held an abiding warmth so  
comforting that Sachiko felt herself drawn into the twin  
chestnut pools. He smiled shyly at her scrutiny, a hint of  
sharp canine poking over his bottom lip, a touch of scarlet  
colouring his cheeks.  
  
"Uh, hi..." He said, tugging nervously at the yellow and  
black bandanna tied cowboy-style around his neck. "You okay,  
miss?"  
  
Sachiko blushed, suddenly hyper-aware of the boy's  
proximity. Slowly, she backed away and sat up at the same  
time, gaining a little breathing room.  
  
"Hi yourself..." She said softly, smiling. "I'm Sachiko,  
pleased to meet you. And you are..?"  
  
The boy blinked. "Didn't I already introduce myself? I'm-"  
  
He was cut off as the door to the room was flung open,  
revealing Ranko. She took in the scene and smirked.  
  
"Well, well... The sleeping princess finally wakes up,  
eh? Prince Charming here give you a big ol' smooch?"  
  
"What?! No!" Both teens chorused, looking frantically to  
each other for confirmation. "Nothing happened, honest!"  
  
Ranko cocked an eyebrow. "Well, that's as may be,  
lovebirds, but I need to borrow my sister for a moment.  
Sacchi, c'mere."  
  
"Now wait a minute, Ranko, I was just-"  
  
"I said c'mere!" She reached over and yanked her sister  
to her feet and out the door in a flash, sliding the door shut  
behind her, leaving a very confused boy in her wake.  
  
***********************  
  
Ranko finally dropped her sister once she was sure they  
were out of earshot of the boy.  
  
"Ranko, what was THAT all about?! I was just about to-"  
  
"Just about to step in a big pile of it, you mean. That  
boy is a pig!"  
  
"Tsk. Honestly, you're such a tomboy, Ranko. Not ALL boys  
are pigs..."  
  
"No, you baka! I mean _really_ a pig! Cripes, are you  
really such an airhead you don't remember what made you faint  
in the first place?"  
  
"Hey! There's no need to be insulting! I remember  
perfectly well! We were in the dojo, Daddy had just said  
something about an old friend of his..." Her voice trailed  
off. "Oh my god! OH MY GOD!!!"  
  
"Aha." said Ranko with a smirk. "Now do you understand?"  
  
"Yes!!! I left the rice cooker on! Dinner will be  
ruined!!!"  
  
Ranko picked herself up from the floor and tried again.  
"No, woodenhead! I meant the fact that Pops wants one of us to  
marry a pig! An honest-to-kami, big as life and twice as ugly  
pig!"  
  
"Huh? Then I wasn't dreaming..."  
  
"Oh, man, I wish we BOTH were. Pop has gone off his  
rocker for sure!"  
  
"Okay... One thing at a time, Ranko." Sachiko took a deep  
breath and composed herself. "What does all this have to do  
with that cute boy in my room?"  
  
"Geez, hormone-case! Pay attention, I'll take it slowly.  
Nod if you follow me." Sachiko nodded. "Good. The boy." Nod.  
"The cute boy" Another nod. "The cute boy in your room."  
Further nodding. "The cute boy in your room turns into a pig."  
A blink, another, then...  
  
"Lost me."  
  
"Aaaarrrgggh!!! I've never seen anything like it! Pop  
emptied a kettle over the big hairy pig's head, and it turned  
into that boy!"  
  
"Don't be ridiculous!"  
  
"Would I make something this dumb up?!!"  
  
"You have a point. Still, why on earth world Daddy want  
one of us to marry a... What do you _call_ a pig that turns  
into a boy, anyway? A werepig?"  
  
"Who knows?" Ranko said dismissively. "Who cares? All I  
know is Pop's gonna answer a few questions..."  
  
The two scrambled downstairs into the living room in  
search of their father.  
  
**************************************  
  
In the frilly pink and kawaii nightmare that was  
Sachiko's room, the boy scratched his head pensively. What a  
strange family... Nothing like his own happy one. He smiled to  
himself as he thought back to peaceful days on the family  
farm/dojo. He looked out the window at the setting sun. Right  
about now, he'd be mucking out the pens and setting up for the  
animals' evening feeding. Mom and Dad would be working hard  
right alongside him. He sighed happily. Then, after dinner, it  
would be time for sparring with Dad, which was just as  
enjoyable, but in a different way. Then, if he wasn't too  
tired, and it wasn't a school night, he could hike over to  
their nearest neighbour's house and hang out with Achika, if  
she was there. She split her time between her folks' place  
(wherever that was) and her grandfather's home. She wasn't  
always around, but he fondly remembered playing with Achika  
and her big sister Mayuka growing up. Their Gramma always made  
the best toys. Plus, it was pretty cool having a friend who  
owned a spaceship.   
  
He looked around the room casually, trying to discern the  
personality of the inhabitant by its contents. Some idol  
singer holo-posters, a Datalink terminal at a small desk,  
about like the one he had at home. A vast collection of Sanrio  
characters oddly devoid of Hello Kitty merchandise... Not  
exactly the type of room he expected for a martial artist.  
There were no weight sets, no training manuals. All in all, it  
looked pretty much like a real girly-girl's room. He twiddled  
his thumbs, bored already.  
  
At least the girl herself was cute. Mega cute. Cute face,  
cute brown eyes, cute pigtail (gotta love those), she even  
looked cute when she slept. Didn't look like much more than a  
bit of fluff, though. No muscle tone, for one. How good a  
fighter could she be?  
  
The older girl, Ranko, seemed more his speed, but  
she'd already made her opinion clear on the matter. If she  
didn't like pigs, she wasn't the girl for him. Besides, she  
seemed so... coarse, he supposed was the word. Being a strong  
woman didn't preclude femininity, as his mother proved.  
  
Well, he thought, I'd best make a good impression on  
Sachiko. He stood up and took a deep breath. Time to pull out  
all the stops and turn on the ol' Hibiki charm...  
  
***********************************  
  
  
He found his father seated at the table, across from his  
host and his host's daughters, both of whom were scowling  
fiercely. Kobuta essayed a smile at Sachiko, but she merely  
deepened her scowl and looked away. Aw, man! he thought. What  
happened? We were getting along so well...  
  
A palpable silence hung over the room. Kobuta coughed  
into his hand as he sat down next to his father.  
  
"So, what'd I miss?" He smiled. It went over like a lead  
balloon with the Tendo daughters, although their father  
attempted a reassuring smile.  
  
"Well, now that we're all settled," Ranma said, (fully in  
traditional father mode) "I believe proper introductions are  
in order. Ryoga, Kobuta, may I present my daughters. Ranko,  
she's nineteen-" Ranko nodded warily, never breaking eye  
contact with Kobuta. He began to sweat. "-and Sachiko, aged  
sixteen." Kobuta attempted a pleasant smile, that froze on his  
face when Sachiko hhmphed and looked away.  
  
Ryoga heaved his bulk to his feet and bowed formally from  
the waist at both daughters. "I am Ryoga Hibiki, and this is  
my son, Kobuta. He's seventeen." Kobuta bowed.  
  
"Your hospitality honours us greatly, Tendo-san." Kobuta  
intoned formally, his father beaming with pride. Ranma nodded  
and smiled, gesturing for them to sit down.  
  
"No need to be so formal now, everyone! We're practically  
family... So, Ryoga... Why don't we leave these kids alone to  
get to know each other, while we catch up?"  
  
"Great idea!" Ryoga nodded, before leaning over and  
whispering in his son's ear. "Now, son, remember. One of these  
girls is going to be your future wife, so be a gentleman." he  
said firmly. Kobuta nodded. "Good." Ryoga straightened to face  
the girls. "Well, It was a pleasure meeting you two. I'm  
looking forward to getting to know you both better."  
  
The two fathers left, leaving the three teens seated  
around the table.  
  
The Tendo girls stared at their suitor. He started  
sweating harder.  
  
"So... Uh... Gosh..." He cudgled his brain, desperately  
seeking an opening line. What would Mom say? he thought  
frantically. She's so polite and well-mannered... He  
plastered a big, friendly smile on his face. "You girls are as  
pretty as a couple of pigs!"  
  
It didn't go over as well as he'd hoped...  
  
**********************************  
TO BE CONTINUED.  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Allyn, Esa and the rest for  
all the helpful C+C on the first chapter. This chapter was  
written in it's entirety while waiting for the new X-Men Movie  
trailer to download, which says less about my writing speed as  
it does about the speed (or lack thereof) of my modem.  
  
Wanna direct answer? mail me at deibu_kun@sympatico.ca  
  
For the yummiest anime fanfiction, visit the SpacePirates Guild  
http://spghome.tripod.com/  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

  
LE PLUS CA CHANGE...  
Yet Another Ranma 1/2 fanfiction  
By Dave Menard  
CHAPTER THREE  
  
DISCLAIMER: Takahashi-megamisama did all the real work, I'm  
just riding in on her coattails.  
  
**************************  
  
There are certain words and phrases, when spoken  
sincerely by a suitor, which even the coldest women can't help  
but respond positively to. The mere utterance of them  
dramatically increases the level of affectionate feeling by  
the speakee towards the speaker. The pleased response seems to  
be hardwired into the female human on a genetic level,  
somewhere in the DNA or RNA or some other, undiscovered  
portion of the genetic code. Phrases like "Are those new  
shoes?" or "Wow, you look terrific in that outfit!" or words  
like "commitment" or "love" or "chocolate" (not necessarily in  
that order).  
  
Unfortunately for Kobuta Hibiki, "You're about as pretty  
as a pig" was certainly not one of them.  
  
Now, the reader must understand that the above phrase was  
in fact intended to be a compliment of the highest level as  
far as Kobuta was concerned. You see, Kobuta Hibiki, like all  
those possessing Unryu blood, loved pigs. In fact, to say that  
Unryus love pigs is an understatement on a par with saying  
that Ranma Saotome is fairly competitive, or that Happosai is  
fond of female undergarments. Unryus are in fact pig otakus,  
in the truest sense of the word.  
  
Most people, however, are of the opinion that pigs are,  
as a rule, fat, filthy, smelly, ugly creatures that  
incidentally happen to taste rather good when barbecued.  
Certain peoples are actually so convinced of the above facts  
that they write edicts forbidding people of their persuasion  
from eating the flesh of so unclean an animal. So it is  
perhaps understandable that the Sisters Tendo were somewhat...  
unimpressed with Kobuta's praise.  
  
As a matter of fact, to say they were unimpressed would  
be an understatement on a par with... Oh, you get the idea.  
  
And so it was that the gentle denizens of Nerima were  
treated to something they hadn't heard in just over ten years,  
the dulcet tones of a martial artist about to enter low Earth  
orbit screaming his confusion to the heavens.  
  
"WHAT'D I SAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????"  
  
*************************   
  
In the dojo, two old friends relaxed with a bottle of  
sake, having paid their respects at the memorial shrine of the  
late mistress of the house.  
  
"So you never told them?" Ryoga whispered, taken aback.  
"Well, that explains a few things..."  
  
Ranma coughed, looking vaguely ashamed of himself. "Yes,  
well... I just figured it was a part of me they didn't need to  
know about."  
  
"B-but... How do you avoid-"  
  
Their discussion was interrupted by an anguished yell,  
the familiar sound of a body exiting a structure via the roof,  
followed by the sound of the back door being flung open and  
rapidly approaching footsteps. Ranma's daughters burst into  
the dojo, faces red.  
  
"DADDY!"  
  
"POP!"  
  
"I'm _not_ marrying that baka!" The two girls chorused.  
  
Ranma stood up, angry. "What happened? He didn't try  
anything... Improper, did he?"  
  
"Hey, now!" Ryoga barked, rising to his feet. "Kobuta's a  
good boy! He'd never-"  
  
"He insulted me!!!" Sachiko yelled.  
  
"He insulted _both_ of us!" Ranko corrected. "That freak  
of nature called us PIGS!"  
  
Ranma blinked. Ryoga groaned and rubbed his temples.  
"Damnfool boy..." He raised his eyes to the two furious  
teenagers. "Girls, please allow me to apologize for my son's  
foolish behaviour. Please forgive him, he didn't mean any  
harm..."  
  
"Didn't mean any HARM?" Ranma bellowed, apoplectic. "HE  
CALLED MY GIRLS PIGS!!!!"  
  
Ryoga swore, cursing his old friend's oddly selective  
memory. He had a theory about that, involving damage caused by  
repeated blunt force trauma to the head, but he felt guilty  
considering it this close to Akane's shrine. Instead, he sat  
down with a sigh. "All of you, please, sit down." he patted  
the floor in front of him.  
  
The three Tendos stubbornly refused to comply, instead  
they continued to glare at him. He sighed again, composing  
himself. "Very well, stand if you want. In answer to your  
question, I know for a fact my boy meant no harm." He looked  
up at the frowning face of his host. "Ranma, do you remember  
how I met my wife?"  
  
Ranma blinked, confused by the apparent non-sequitur.  
"Yes, you defeated her Sumo pig with one blow, becoming her  
fiance..."  
  
Ryoga nodded before continuing, ignoring the disbelieving  
looks he was getting from the girls. "And do you remember why  
I ran away from her?"  
  
"Err..." Ranma scratched his head. "I know there was  
SOMEthing, but..." A light went on upstairs. "Oh, yeah! She  
called you a pig! She said you were as handsome as a pig, as  
brave as a pig, as-"  
  
"Yes, yes-" Ryoga scowled. "You and Akane eventually  
realized that for someone as pig-mad as my wife, those were  
meant as terms of endearment."  
  
"Oh course!" Ranma rubbed the back of his head and  
laughed. "Young Kobuta's as pig-mad as his mother!"  
  
Ranko sat down hard in a huff. "What the fuck?"  
  
"Ranko! Watch your language!" Ranma scolded. Ranko rolled  
her eyes.  
  
"You honestly expect us to believe that that baka was  
tryin' to pay us a compliment? C'mon Pop, pull the other one."  
  
"It's true!" Ranma said pleadingly. "Why would I lie?"  
  
"Come ON, Daddy..." Sachiko tsked. "That's silly..."  
Something clicked as she thought about what Ryoga had said.  
"Wait. Did you say something about Sumo Pigs?" She smacked her  
fist into her open palm. "Aha! That explains the two pigs in  
the garden..." She glanced over her shoulder. "Er, the two  
pigs that _were_ in the garden. See Ranko? You must have  
missed something. The two don't turn into pigs, they _train_  
pigs. You probably just saw Daddy helping Mr. Hibiki to wash  
one of the pigs, and imagined the rest!"  
  
"I know what I saw, and I saw Kobuta turn from a pig into  
a boy." She glared at her father and their guest. "Somethin'  
you wanna tell us about?"  
  
Ranma and Ryoga sighed, looked at each other. Ranma  
nodded once.  
  
"Girls," Ranma said heavily. "Do you remember your Aunt  
Ranko?"   
  
Ranko blinked hard. "What, you mean the one I'm named  
for? Sure. Taught me some of my best moves. Moved away when I  
was around eight, right?"  
  
Sachiko nodded. "Didn't you say she joined that Antarctic  
research project? The one that was headed by Katsuragi-  
sensei's dad?"  
  
"Err..." Ranma sweated. "Not exactly..." He reached over,  
picked up the fire bucket and upended it over his head. "Now,"  
she said to her speechless daughters, "let me tell you about a  
place called Jusenkyo, and why Grandma Saotome has a pet  
panda..."  
  
**********************  
  
"...and so I've been using the waterproof soap regularly  
ever since; your mother was never really comfortable with my  
curse, and I HATED it... Not to mention the fact that your  
Auntie Nabiki would never have convinced Kuno to marry her if  
"Ranko" hadn't disappeared, despite Kin being almost five...  
Filling in the Koi pond helped reduce accidental exposure by  
at least fifty percent, and since old lady Yamane with the  
ladle and bucket died back in ought-seven, she wasn't a  
problem..."  
  
Ranko and Sachiko's eyes were glazed over in shock.  
Eventually, Sachiko was the first to speak. "So you, and  
Grampa Saotome, and Chugoku's dad... And you, Mr. Hibiki...  
You ALL ended up with these weird curses? How come nobody told  
US?"  
  
"Well, er... We all sort of made a pact to keep quiet  
about it. With all the craziness that used to follow us  
around, we figured you kids'd be well clear of it. I don't  
know if Chugoku's dad has told her, so I wouldn't mention it.  
It's family business, after all. I really shouldn't have told  
you about him, but..." He shrugged. "I must ask you both to  
keep our curses secret."  
  
"B-but..." Ranko stammered. "What about Kobuta? And Mr.  
Hibiki? The way that you said curse victims attract water,  
they're sure to 'come out of the pig-pen' in public, then the  
whole thing's blown..."  
  
Ryoga cleared his throat. "Actually, we don't mind our  
curses. I've gotten used to mine, and Kobuta's had his for  
years. We'd never dream of revealing someone's curse against  
their wishes. It'd be against the Warrior's Code." He smiled  
meaningfully at Ranma. "Besides, unlike your father and I,  
Kobuta has his curse by choice. As a matter of fact, I took  
him to Jusenkyo myself!"  
  
"WHA-AAT?!" The Tendos cried. "You deliberately cursed  
your own son?"  
  
Hey, he WANTED a curse!" Ryoga protested. "How else was  
he to learn his mother's school of Pig Sumo?"  
  
All three Tendos goggled. The idea that someone would  
actually WANT to be cursed was a little disconcerting.  
  
"So you see," Onna-Ranma said, her blue eyes shining with  
joy, "It's really not that big a deal! You might even say it's  
tradition for a Tendo woman to marry a man with a curse!"  
  
Ranko cracked her knuckles loudly. "Lissen up Pops! If  
YOU think you're gonna get me to marry some pig-loving, shape-  
changing FREAK, you're outta your mind!" She moved to begin  
pummelling her father/favorite aunt, when a thought occurred  
to her. Lightning quick, she reached over, grabbed her kid  
sister and planted her in front of her their parent. "Marry  
him to Sachiko! SHE was flirtin' with the weirdo in her room!  
Said he was cute an' everything!"  
  
Sachiko shrieked, horribly embarrassed and furious. "I  
WAS NOT!!! AND _YOU_ SAID HE WAS CUTE, NOT ME!!!"  
  
"Is this true, Sachiko?" Ranma said, her eyes wide and  
hopeful. "You were flirting with him? Great! You like him  
already!!"  
  
"I do not!"  
  
Ryoga leaned over and nudged Ranma in the ribs. "Remind  
you of anyone, Tendo?"  
  
"Hmm..." Ranma tapped a delicate finger against her  
jawline. "Yes, yes it does... Then it's decided. Sachiko will  
marry Kobuta. It's a good match." She nodded seriously in  
unison with Ryoga.  
  
"Are you two completely insane?" Sachiko yelled at the  
parents. "He's WEIRD! And he called me a pig!"  
  
"Aw, c'mon, Sacchi..." Ranko teased. "Accordin' to Pops,  
that was s'posed to be a term of endearment..."  
  
"RRrrrr RANKO! Stop it!" A sly expression crossed her  
face. "But Ranko, dear, DEAR big sister, Kobuta is a martial  
artist... Wouldn't YOU be a better choice?"  
  
Ranko looked pale. Ryoga and Ranma turned to each other,  
considering. "Well, come to think of it... We DO want to unite  
the schools..." Ranma muttered.  
  
"OH no, you don't!" Ranko barked. "I can just teach the  
Anything Goes School to whatever little piglets these two  
have, that's all. Don't go askin' for more than that!"  
  
"Ranko!" Ranma snapped. "Remember, I AM your father. If I  
say you'll marry the boy, you'll marry him!"  
  
"Fat chance, Pop! I'm nineteen! I'm the accredited heir  
to the Anything-Goes School! I don't NEED to live here, ya  
know. I could write my own ticket to any college in the  
country, full athletic scholarships, the WORKS!"  
  
"No!" Ranma pleaded. "You can't do that! The school's  
heir must stay here to defend the dojo!"  
  
"Well, kiss that goodbye, if you try to make me marry  
against my will, Pop. Or should I be callin' you Mama-san  
now?"  
  
Ranma leaned into her daughter so that they were face to  
face. "Now listen here, young lady! Don't you talk that way to  
your father! I might have taught you everything that you know,  
but I didn't teach you everything that _I_ know! You're not too  
big for me to put over my knee!"  
  
"Just TRY it, MAMA-SAN!" Ranko yelled back, angrier than  
anyone had ever seen her. Ranma didn't look like she was ready  
to back down either.   
  
"STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU!!" Sachiko yelled at the top of her  
voice. Her family turned to look at her, eyes wide. "I'll  
marry him, okay?! I'll marry him! J-just, stop fighting, okay?  
Stop fighting..." She ran out of the dojo, tears running down  
her face.  
  
"Sachiko..." Ranma said.  
  
"Aw, crap..." Ranko spat. "I didn't mean... Aw, Sacchi,  
come back!" She ran out after her. Ranma made to follow, but a  
restraining hand from Ryoga held her back.  
  
"Wait until she cools down a bit. You don't want to upset  
her further, do you?"  
  
"N-no, but-"  
  
"I think she'll deal with you better after you've had a  
hot bath, na?" He glanced significantly down at Ranma's chest,  
still defying gravity after all these years.  
  
"Maybe you're right. "Sides, with my luck, Nabs'll bring  
Kuno by any minute and then- BOOM! I'll have to kill him, and  
then Nabiki'd kill ME..."  
  
"Right..."  
  
***********************************  
  
Kobuta found that he wasn't enjoying his first taste of  
unassisted flight via Air Tendo. His jaw ached considerably  
from where Ranko had drilled him, and he knew that despite the  
remarkable height, distance and hang-time he'd achieved,  
eventually he was going to come dow, and come down HARD. And  
that would hurt. A lot.  
  
"What the heck is their problem, anyway? I was just  
trying to be nice..." He glanced around at the slowly  
approaching ground beneath him, looking for a soft place to  
land. Unfortunately, when travelling at a certain velocity,  
there is no such thing as a "soft place to land". With a  
regretful sigh, he went loose and prepared for pain.  
  
**********************************  
  
Some distance beneath, at the end of Kobuta's rather  
impressive parabolic arc, two lovely women were disembarking  
from the evening hovercraft from the Chinese mainland.  
  
"How marvelous!" said the younger of the two in an  
obscure dialect of mandarin. "At last, Tokyo! Revered Aunt,  
this one is quite overjoyed!!"  
  
"In Japanese, child. You must get all the practice you  
can." scolded the older one affectionately.  
  
"Ti-Pi is so happy! Finally, we is in Tokyo!" the younger  
giggled, hopping up and down with barely constrained glee. Her  
older companion smiled kindly down at her and nodded.  
  
"Yes, child. And if there's anywhere I can find my  
favorite niece a strong husband, it's here." Not to mention  
look up a certain old flame who happens to be single again,  
she added mentally. I just hope he aged better than his fool  
of a father...  
  
Without warning, a flying body ploughed through the roof  
of the pier overhang and crashed into Ti-Pi, knocking her into  
the polluted waters of Tokyo Harbour.  
  
Ti-Pi's aunt rushed to the edge of the pier, dropping her  
bags and pulling a pair of well-used bonbori from someplace.  
"Ti-Pi? Niece? Oh, goddess, don't make me go in after her, I-"  
  
She was saved from diving in after her youthful charge  
when Ti-Pi burst from the dirty waters, a pair of feathered  
wings sprouting from her back.  
  
Cries of "it's an angel!" went up from the tourists and  
commuters on the pier. Ti-Pi was, if anything, an avenging  
angel as she swooped down to clutch the creature that struck  
her in her taloned feet. With a grunt of effort, she dropped  
the unconscious beast on the pier in front of her aunt.  
  
"A wild boar?" Ti-Pi's aunt asked of the air in confusion.  
Since when to pigs fall from the sky? "Did it fall out of a  
cargo plane or something?"  
  
"No, Honored Aunt," Ti-Pi said apprehensively. "Pig was  
BOY when struck Ti-Pi. Became pig when hit water! You think is  
maybe person with Junsenkyo curse?"  
  
"Hmm..." Ti-Pi's aunt stroked her chin. "If he IS a  
victim of Jusenkyo, he's probably a decent warrior at the  
least... Niece, I think the goddess smiles on us tonight. Grab  
the pig, and follow me..."  
  
***********************  
  
Ranko found Sachiko in her room, face down on the bed,  
head buried in the pillow.  
  
"Hey, Sacchi? Sacchi? You listenin'?" Sachiko made no  
response. "Fine, ignore me why don'cha..." Still no response.  
Ranko sighed. "Alright, fine. Don't answer me, but lissen up,  
'cause I'm only gonna say this once, okay? I'm sorry..."  
  
Sachiko grunted once.  
  
"Yeah, okay fine." Ranko groused. "You wanna be like  
that, that's your problem. But I ain't leavin' 'till you hear  
me out, got that?"  
  
Another grunt. With a sigh, Ranko sat down on the bed  
next to her little sister. Sachiko rolled over, a questioning  
look on her face.  
  
"What?" Ranko teased. "You don't mind if I get  
comfortable while I grovel, do ya, Sacchi?" Sachiko blinked,  
and removed the tiny earbuds from her ears.  
  
"Did you say something? I had my tunes up pretty loud..."  
  
Ranko groaned. "Aw, geez! Well, I ain't goin' through  
that again!"  
  
"No, what was is you wanted to say? Make it quick, I'm  
angsting here..." Sachiko said curtly. Ranko rubbed the back  
of her head and began again.  
  
"Well, here goes, kiddo. Look, I know you hate it when  
Pop an' me fight... But you gotta understand, that's just our  
way, y'know? Mom 'n Pop used to scrap all the time. It's just  
the way we do things, is all..."  
  
"I hate it! It's not... It's not _normal_! NORMAL people  
have reasoned discussions when they disagree! NORMAL people  
don't call names once they're over the age of twelve! You two  
just go ahead and RIP INTO each other in front of GUESTS, no  
less... Most importantly, NORMAL people DO NOT CHANGE SHAPE  
WHEN COVERED WITH WATER!!!! Sometimes I'm ashamed to be part  
of this family..."  
  
"HEY! That ain't fair! An' besides, you hardly ARE part  
of this family, anyway! Always makin' fun of the Art, actin'  
like you're SO-OO superior when you're really just afraid to  
get your hands dirty and show a little discipline! Well,  
listen little-miss-princess, I'm sick of this crap! You're  
just gonna hafta accept that the Tendos are a Martial Arts  
family, and that makes us a little different from other  
folks."  
  
"Ahh, rubbish!" Sachiko yelled. "Auntie Kasumi doesn't do  
martial arts! Auntie Nabiki doesn't do martial arts! You can  
SO be a Tendo and not be some kind of thug!"  
  
"Fine, you wanna be like Auntie K and Auntie Nabiki?  
Great! Terrific! Nothin'll make Pops happier! Just do what  
they did, and _marry_ a martial artist!"  
  
THAT shut Sachiko down. She frowned. "I already AM,  
thanks to you and Daddy..."  
  
"So say no! What's the worst Pop can do to you, huh?  
Yell? He said he wanted us to _consider_ marrying the pig-boy,  
he didn't say we _had_ to..."  
  
"You _know_ what he meant..."  
  
"No, I don't. Remember what Auntie Nabiki taught us?  
Lesson 28 in gettin' around Daddy. Remember?"  
  
"Huh? Lesson 28... Was that 'just say Yes Daddy and do it  
anyway'?"  
  
"Close. Try 'Follow the _letter_ of the rule, not the  
spirit'. You follow me?"  
  
"So... Hey, that might work! I'll agree to the  
engagement, then make Kobuta's life such a living hell, HE'LL  
dump ME!!!"  
  
"Err, no, I meant... Oh, well, that could work, I  
suppose. Kinda mean, though..."  
  
"Well, too bad! I'm fighting for my FREEDOM here! That's  
worth a few bruised feelings, I think!"  
  
"Ooo-kayyy... You LOVE to make things hard on yourself,  
don't you?"  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?!"  
  
"Ah, cripes, never mind. I've had about all of this I can  
stand. Let's talk about somethin' else, okay?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Well... D'you think my boobs are gonna be as nice as  
Pops' when I'M his age?"  
  
"Geez!!!"  
  
*************************  
  
Ti-Pi flapped her wings furiously, desperately trying to  
keep aloft while carrying close to a quarter of a metric tonne  
worth of boar in her talons.  
  
"Honoured- MMph! Aunt... Ti-Pi is- Ngggrrr... Getting  
tired... Is much farther to- Hhhhnnn! Go?"  
  
Ti-Pi's aunt jogged along underneath, pleased to note  
that little had changed in Nerima since her previous visit.  
  
"Not much farther now, Niece. Unless he has moved, we'll  
be there... Aha! Ti-Pi, you may drop the pig."  
  
Ti-Pi's aunt took a moment to extricate herself out from  
under the vast girth of the boar.  
  
"I shouldn't have to specify _not_ to drop it on me,  
Niece..." She glared at her youthful charge. "Now, use the  
thermos and change back; no sense in showing all our cards."  
  
"Aiyah! Yes, Honoured Aunt! Ti-Pi understands!"  
  
The Chinese women and their porcine burden were stopped  
in front of a small acupuncture and moxibustion clinic. Ti-  
Pi's aunt sigh happily. Simpler times, they were, when she  
briefly worked as a nurse for the kindly Japanese doctor. As  
Ti-Pi doused herself, (causing her wings to disappear and  
turning her taloned claws into hands and feet,) her aunt  
walked up to the door and knocked politely, remembering that  
these Japanese were very big on waiting to be admitted to a  
room before entering.  
  
In moment, the door slid open with an electronic beep,  
startling the Matriarch. The outside world had certainly  
changed, she noted ruefully. A pleasant featured, bespectacled  
boy of perhaps eighteen summers appeared in the doorway,  
wearing a welcome smile.  
  
"Hello, welcome to the Tofu clinic, how can I help you-  
Oh my! Is that _your_ pig? I'm afraid we're not equipped for  
veterinary medicine, you'll have to go down the block to  
Shimoto-san's..."  
  
"No, the pig isn't a patient, young sir," Ti-Pi's aunt  
said with a smile. "May I speak with the doctor? We're old  
friends, and I'd like to say hello..."  
  
"Oh, of course. I'll fetch the doctor right away." He  
paused, searching for away to accommodate the twin necessities  
of hospitality and hygiene. "I'm afraid I'll have to ask you  
and your pig to wait outside. The germs..."  
  
"I understand perfectly young sir." The Matriarch bowed,  
smiling, as the young man disappeared inside. Seeing an  
opportunity for a lesson, she turned to Ti-Pi.  
  
"Now, Niece, did you see how I handled that? One doesn't  
simply go barging in to a Japanese home or business, one waits  
to be invited."  
  
"But Auntie, is silly! Back in village, to make guest  
wait outside in elements is too-too rude! Japanese persons  
have no manners..."  
  
"Never mind that, child. Remember, we are here as  
ambassadors of our people, and should behave with dignity and  
respect the customs of these backward folk. Understand?"  
  
"Yes, Auntie, Ti-Pi understands."  
  
"Good." No sooner had she finished, than the door opened  
once more, revealing a familiar face.  
  
"Yes, I'm the doctor, how can I help you- Shampoo? Why  
hello!" A radiant smile broke across the doctor's face.  
  
Ti-Pi's aunt's eyes widened. "Nice-girl-Kasumi?"  
  
***********************  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Allyn, Esa, Lone Wolf and the  
rest for oh-so-useful C+C on previous chapters. Any problems  
are my fault, not theirs.  
  
Wanna take me to task directly? mail me at:  
deibu_kun@sympatico.ca  
  
For the tastiest in anime fanfiction, visit The SpacePirates'  
Guild at http://spghome.tripod.com/  
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

LE PLUS CA CHANGE...  
Still another Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction  
By Dave Menard  
  
DISCLAIMER: Rumiko Takahashi and others created the original  
characters and situations. Me, I'm just some guy with too much  
time on his hands...  
  
  
***************************  
  
  
Like any high school anywhere on Earth, Furinkan High  
possesses an intricate network of cliques, gangs and social  
castes, each with their own exclusive membership. There is  
occasional drift between groups, but said drift is infrequent  
and usually traumatic, as the drifter must re-align themselves  
within their new hierarchy.  
  
There are the scholars, the freaks, the geeks, the "cool"  
kids and the athletes. There are the members of various clubs,  
the motorheads, the druggies and the delinquents. Virtually  
everyone belongs to one group or another. Except for rare  
occasions of dating outside one's own "species", the vast  
majority of students attempt to find a niche in one of these  
cliques, and remain there for most of their scholastic career.  
  
Often, a given school will have a preponderance of one of  
the above subtypes of kids, and that school will become  
classified as a mecca for those students who fit the image.  
For instance, St. Hebereke is a "rich girl's school". Kolkhoz  
High is a "Jock School". Other schools are "Drama Schools" or  
"Tough Schools" or "Arts Schools". Furinkan was that rarest of  
animals, a "Martial Arts School", which implies a very  
particular type of stratification amongst the student body.  
  
Every male Furinkan student knew, without a shadow of a  
doubt, that the surest way to ensure you had a date for  
Saturday night was to be a martial artist. Furinkan girls  
rarely gave any non-combatants the time of day. Consequently,  
as a teenage boy's life revolves around the desire to "get him  
some", Furinkan boys spent an inordinate amount of time  
practicing martial arts, with differing levels of success.  
  
It was ironic, (or perhaps not, considering the past  
history of that venerable institution) that the most sought-  
after girl on campus, Sachiko Tendo, was perhaps the only one  
who regarded knowledge of martial arts not as an asset but as  
a serious obstacle to romance. Despite this fact, she was  
nevertheless one of the "cool" kids, due to, if nothing else,  
the impressive reputation of her older sister, graduated the  
year before.  
  
As such, the vast majority of her closer friends were at  
least dabblers in martial arts, and some were quite  
proficient. First and foremost among these was Chugoku Kuonji,  
Sachiko's oldest friend.  
  
At first glance, you would think that the two were a  
mismatched pair. Sachiko was the very image of a Japanese  
beauty. Girlishly petite, trendy and kawaii, she was the  
living fantasy of every Lolita-complex-ridden salaryman.  
Chugoku, by contrast, was almost the opposite. Oh sure, she  
was attractive, as her mother had been- in an athletic,  
tomboyish sort of way; but she also possessed her father's  
genes. As such she had the triune curses of poor eyesight,  
height, and (perhaps worst of all in still-xenophobic Japan)  
she was half-Chinese.  
  
Despite these outward differences, the two girls were  
extremely close, having almost been raised together. They'd  
shared the pain of first crushes, laughed and cried together  
at all the same movies, danced to the same music. Chugoku had  
stuck by her friend through thick and thin, even the horribly  
crushing blow of Sachiko's mother's death.  
  
So it was no surprise that the first person outside of  
family that Sachiko talked to about her impending engagement  
was Chugoku.  
  
Sachiko flopped backwards onto her bed, turning to face  
the datalink terminal on her desk.  
  
"Gawd, Chugo, I'm so-o miserable. I can't beLEIVE Daddy  
would DO something like this to me..."  
  
Chugoku smiled sympathetically from the terminal. "Sounds  
rough, girlfriend. Is this Kobuta guy really that bad?"  
  
"He's good-looking, in a hayseedy, farmboyish sort of  
way, but as for personality, let's just say he makes Burakuro  
look like Casanova..."  
  
"That bad, huh?"  
  
"He called me a pig!"  
  
"Really? Gawd, what a jackass! I'd'a spatula'd him for  
that!"  
  
"Well, Ranko decked him."  
  
"Good for her!"  
  
"Yeah, y'know what the weirdest thing is? According to  
Daddy, he meant it as a complement..."  
  
"Huh? Why'd he think that?"  
  
"According to Daddy, Kobuta's family are pig-otakus. They  
go nuts for pigs, love everything about 'em."  
  
"Talk about weird... Sounds like Mom and her okonomiyaki  
fetish..."  
  
"You're one to talk, Spatula-girl!"  
  
"I'm not as bad as my Mom, thanks. At least I can cook  
something other than fast food... Hey, no changing the  
subject, sugar! I wanna hear more about this pig-freak. Is he  
a martial artist? What am I saying, of course he is! Your Dad  
wouldn't let him near you if he wasn't..."  
  
"Yeah, he's a martial artist. Big deal."  
  
"What school?"  
  
"Ah, I don't pay any attention to that stuff... His Dad  
said something about Sumo..."  
  
"Whoa! So he's a real porker, huh?"  
  
"You might say that, yeah. But he's not fat, if that's  
what you're thinking. Like I said, he's good-looking, just not  
my type."  
  
"I don't know, Sacchi. If he's cute, why not give him a  
chance? Who knows, you might end up liking him."  
  
"Nope. Not gonna happen. You're welcome to him, if you  
want."  
  
"I just might do that, y'know. If he's cute enough. But  
no one's a cute as-"  
  
"Tofu-sempai, yeah, I know..."  
  
"He's so-o yummy! And sweet! And nice! And-"  
  
"I get the picture, Chugo! So why don't you ask him out?"  
  
Chugoku blushed, her glasses fogging. "I couldn't! I-it  
wouldn't be right! H-he's like a prince among men! An Adonis!  
A demi-god! What could he possibly see in me?"  
  
"What do you see in HIM? He's good looking enough, I  
suppose, but all I see when I look at Keiichi is my nerdy  
cousin who used to put mud in my hair when we were little kids  
and stole my Pokemon cards..."  
  
"You just can't see it because he's your cousin! He's the  
perfect man! Perfect! PERFECT!!" Chugoku's eyes took on a  
slightly maniacal gleam.  
  
"Okay, fine. You want I should set the two of you up? I  
see him every weekend when we go over to Auntie K's for  
dinner..."  
  
"Would you? D'you think he'd say yes?"  
  
"Sure, I guess. It's not as if he's seeing anybody right  
now..."  
  
****************************   
  
Keiichi Tofu was in deep smit. Sitting across from him  
was possibly the cutest girl he'd ever seen in his life. His  
mother was chatting amiably with the gorgeous girl's Aunt, but  
he couldn't think of a thing to say to the incredible beauty  
facing him. She was leaning casually up against the wall, an  
obviously bored expression on her face that made him want to  
say or do SOMEthing, ANYthing to see her smile...  
  
She had green hair, done up in twin buns and tied with  
pretty ornaments shaped like golden feathers; her eyes (Oh,  
Kamisama, her EYES!) were crystalline blue seas he could lose  
himself in. Her figure was... Well, Keiichi considered himself  
a gentleman, so he didn't let himself linger TOO long on her  
ample assets, but WOW!  
  
What to say, what to say... "Umm, hello?" His voice  
squeaked on the last syllable. He blushed furiously.  
  
The girl smiled absently. That was still enough to make  
Keiichi's day. "Nihao." She sighed and blew her bangs out of  
her eyes with a puff of air, a gesture that made Keiichi's  
heart do flip-flops.  
  
"So, uh..." Keiichi flailed desperately, "Do you come  
here often?" As soon as the words left his mouth he deflated  
internally. Of all the lame-ass...  
  
"Is Ti-Pi's first time in Tokyo. She never leave  
Bayankala Valley before... Auntie always tell Ti-Pi that Japan  
is best place to come to meet boy, so..." She twirled her hand  
distractedly, "Here Ti-Pi is."  
  
"Y-you're here to meet boys?" He swallowed hard. Hope  
springs eternal, even in the unlikeliest of places...  
"Really?" he squeaked. "Er... What uh, kind of boys?"  
  
"Strong boys! Ti-Pi need strong husband, bring too-too  
much honour to family!" She affirmed proudly. "Ti-Pi want  
nice, handsome boy, who is powerful warrior... and good cook,  
Ti-Pi always want to marry nice house-husband type..."  
  
Keiichi sighed. Just like all the girls at school.  
(Except for the cooking part. Maybe if he could get Mom to  
teach him a thing or two...) She probably wouldn't give the  
time of day to a nobody like him. The only martial arts he  
knew were his father's pressure-point attacks. Effective, to  
be sure, but not the flashy sort of thing most Nerima girls  
went for. "Oh. I'm afraid I don't know too many guys around  
here who'd fit the bill. Most of the best fighters at my  
school are... well, jerks."  
  
Ti-Pi's good spirits flagged a little, then brightened.  
"Is okay, Ti-Pi have very good feeling about boy she meet  
today!"   
  
Keiichi blushed. "Really? Y-you m-mean..?"  
  
"Yes!" Ti-Pi smiled. "Pig-boy must be VERY strong  
fighter, if train at Jusenkyo!"  
  
Keiichi deflated.  
  
  
While the teenagers got to know each other, Kasumi and  
Shampoo got reacquainted.  
  
"So, is your husband here?" Shampoo asked. "I haven't  
seen either of you since the funeral..." Shampoo worried that  
she might have made a faux pas, mentioning that sad day, but  
Kasumi waved it off. It had been, after all, nine years.  
  
"Ono is making his rounds at Nerima General today. We  
share the practice now.  
  
"How marvelous!" Shampoo cried. "I always KNEW you had  
prospects beyond looking after your foolish- er, _aged_ father  
and his friends."  
  
Kasumi nodded tolerantly. Few understood that she'd  
_enjoyed_ looking after her father and siblings for all those  
years. She still occasionally worried about Father, but she  
knew Mother Hinako took good care of him. "Well, I have my own  
family to look after, now." Kasumi glanced fondly at her son,  
who was still attempting to chat up Ti-Pi. Shampoo noticed and  
smiled herself.  
  
"Yes, he seems to be a healthy young man." Shampoo eyed  
the lad appraisingly. "Is he a fighter?" She could do worse  
for Ti-Pi than the son of two of her favorite Japanese...  
  
"Oh, my! Er..."  
  
"Mo-om..." Keiichi groaned, hoping to stave off his  
mother's inevitably embarrassing words as he crossed the room.  
"I study my father's school of acupuncture and acupressure  
martial arts, ma'am. It's nothing terribly impressive, I  
realize, but..."  
  
Shampoo's eyes widened in pleasure. The Tofu school was  
_very_ illustrious! Even her late great-grandmother had  
respected it. Things were definitely looking up for little Ti-  
Pi! "That's very interesting, young man. I'm sure you're quite  
a warrior!"  
  
Keiichi swelled with obvious pride, only to have his  
bubble burst by his mother's words.  
  
"Oh, dear me, no! I don't approve of Keiichi fighting, he  
could be hurt!"  
  
"Mo-om!" Keiichi whined, mortally embarrassed. "Not in  
front of the Amazons!" Especially the cute young one, his eyes  
silently pleaded.  
  
Shampoo blinked. "But, how else is a young person to  
build character and strength? Really, Kasumi. These are odd  
sentiments coming from a Tendo..."  
  
"I won't let anything happen to my Kei-chan. Besides  
which, the Tofu school is meant to heal, not to hurt."   
  
"But Mom, I just-"  
  
Kasumi frowned, turned to Keiichi and said firmly, "We've  
had this discussion before, young man. Do I have to tell your  
father?"  
  
Keiichi frowned and hung his head. "No, Mom..."  
  
"Good." Kasumi returned to her usual beatific state.   
  
The awkward silence was broken by the sound of a loud  
squeal from outside, followed by the frenzied scrabbling of  
hooves. Shampoo stood up and looked out the window. The boar  
was awake and struggling against his chains. "Ah, it seems our  
cursed friend has woken up. Nice-Girl, er, Kasumi, I'm afraid  
it's time for us to go. Ti-Pi!" She barked. The younger Amazon  
snapped to attention. "Fetch the thermos!"  
  
"Yes, Honoured Auntie!"  
  
***********************  
  
  
The Suzuki Katana 9000 motorcycle pulled into the garage  
with a horrendous squeal of burning rubber and the menacing,  
angry-hornet whine of a highly-tuned engine. The rider shut  
the grossly-overpowered bike off and dismounted, toeing the  
kickstand into place. Casually, (and all-too aware of just  
exactly how cool he'd look if he happened to have an audience)  
he pulled off his helmet and shook out his long, wavy black  
hair. Examining himself in the mirrored visor of his helmet,  
Burakuro Taro grinned rakishly and brushed some road dust off  
his ridiculously expensive black leather jacket (cloned, at no  
small expense, from his own skin cells. Someday, he'd make it  
a gift to some lucky lady...)  
  
"Nobohiko! NOBO-HIKOOO!" He glanced around. "Where IS  
that little turd?"  
  
With a tiny puff of white smoke, the little ninja  
appeared and knelt in front of the young master of the house.  
"You called, Boss?"  
  
"Nobohiko..." Burakuro purred menacingly. "What did I  
tell you about that?"  
  
Nobohiko sighed. "Forgive me." He cleared his throat and  
began again. "I am hear at your summons, oh my great and  
powerful Master, Lord of the Manor, King amongst men!"  
  
Taro nodded, favouring him with a smile. "That's better.  
Now, you little toady, my bike needs a tune-up. She's running  
a little hot, and there's a buzz in the rear intake. Deal  
with it."  
  
Sigh. "Yes, your munificence. I am honoured, as always,  
to be permitted to place my unworthy hands on such a fine  
piece of machinery..." The only reason it IS so fine is that I  
spend eight hours a day tuning the damn thing, Nobohiko added  
silently. If you had any idea how to TREAT the thing, I  
wouldn't NEED to, you disgusting, arrogant spoiled twerp! "It  
will be done promptly, oh my Master."  
  
"Good. I'll be in my room. The new issue of Easy Rider is  
in, and I need to do a little... meditating, heheheh..."  
  
Nobohiko shuddered. "Master-"  
  
"What is it, pee-wee?"   
  
"Dinner will be served promptly at six. Your honourable  
mother is expecting you..."  
  
"Damn! Wonder what the old fruitbat wants? Oh, well,  
maybe I can wrangle an increase in my allowance out of her.  
It's not as if I can be expected to SURVIVE on a measly two  
million yen a week..."  
  
Burakuro left, only to poke his head back around the  
corner. He cleared his throat softly, looking a little  
embarrassed. "Uh, Nobohiko..?"  
  
"Yes, oh my Master?"  
  
"Uhrm... Any word from Father?"  
  
Nobohiko sighed sadly. "No, Master, I'm terribly  
sorry..."  
  
Burakuro's face clouded. "Like I want your pity, you  
little shit! Hurry up and fix my bike!"  
  
"Yes, Master..."  
  
*********************  
  
Kin heard her prick of a cousin pull up his bike and  
heard him begin calling for Nobohiko. She put down her palmtop  
and looked out the window. Typical. The bastard only ever  
comes home when he needs something. She awaited the inevitable  
knock on her door.  
  
She wasn't disappointed. "Enter!" She called, getting  
into character. Of all the people her Shakespeare act hacked  
off, Burakuro was second only to her mother in sheer annoyance  
level. Her cousin shouldered his way in, hip-checking the door  
closed behind him.  
  
"Yo, golden girl. I need some cash."  
  
Kin sighed. "You continue to pester me for funds, cousin,  
yet I have yet to see a return on my investment. I say thee  
nay. T'would make poor economic sense to send good money after  
bad..."  
  
Burakuro growled. "Listen, you'll get your money, you  
little chiseller. I'm just running a little short now-"  
  
"You run short on sense, kinsman, if you think I intend  
to subsidize anymore of you and your pitiful gang of ruffians'  
foolishness. Leave my chambers, before I eject you myself."  
She produced her bokken and stood.  
  
"O ho, You wanna throw down, golden girl? You _know_ I  
can kick your scrawny ass up and down the street!"  
  
"Oaf. Always the first to resort to brute force, aren't  
you? You aren't worth sullying my blade. Get thee gone, fool."  
  
"Don't talk to me like that, you little snot! I'll-"  
  
Kin produced a small datatrack disk from her robes.  
"You'll what?" Burakuro visibly paled. "Leave my chambers, or  
my parents find out about your little... indiscretions." she  
chuckled softly. "Then you can kiss your free ride goodbye,  
'Bakakuro'. I'll not shed any tears over that, I can assure  
you..."  
  
"Fine!" Burakuro snarled. "I'm warning you, Kin. One of  
these days you'll push me too far-"  
  
"Yes, yes... Thou'rt full of sound and fury, signifying  
nothing." Kin sniffed. "An' lest you get any clever ideas,  
know that I have many copies of this disk secreted around the  
house and amongst my factors. Rest assured that should any  
harm come to me, your sins _will_ find you out. Depart,  
knave!"  
  
Burakuro stomped out, slamming the door behind him. Kin  
sat down on her bed and shuddered, letting out a breath she  
didn't know she'd been holding. Picking up her palmtop, she  
tabbed open the "to do" menu and typed furiously. Burakuro was  
becoming more and more troublesome...  
  
**************  
  
Burakuro stomped into his room and slammed the door shut  
behind him. With a snarl he fell forward onto his bed, all  
thoughts of "meditating" to the latest Easy Rider flown from  
his mind.  
  
"Goddamned little... BITCH!" He flung the magazine across  
the room and rolled over to stare at the ceiling. "Never gonna  
let me forget that Mom an' me are livin' here thanks to  
Uncle's 'charity'... If- WHEN Dad comes back, we'll fuckin'  
show THEM... Bastards..."  
  
**************  
  
Across the globe, in a restaurant high atop Seattle Space  
Needle, a richly-dressed man with a silver ring in each ear  
sneezed softly.  
  
"Something wrong, lover?" His companion asked, brushing a  
lock of silvery-blonde hair over her shoulder. "You're not  
coming down with something, are you?"  
  
The man clucked his tongue. "Not likely, Asuka-chan. Must  
be a bit of dust in the air."  
  
***************  
Kobuta-boar once again found himself in motion. He  
struggled unsuccessfully against the chains that held his  
massive form captive, only to find himself unceremoniously  
dumped onto the dusty ground. Internally, he groaned. If he'd  
wound up in the zoo again, Dad'd never let him hear the end of  
it...  
  
Hot water splashed, activating the transformation. Kobuta  
shook his head, sending droplets splashing across the yard.  
  
"Gaah! A little TOO hot, thanks..." He blinked, taking in  
the people around him. His sight as a boar was pretty poor, so  
he hadn't gotten a good look at them before. Two women, one  
older but still attractive and an extremely cute girl with  
green hair. Both were looking at him curiously. He tugged  
nervously at his neckerchief and once again thanked whatever  
kami governed Jusenkyo curses that he always reverted to human  
form fully-dressed. He glanced around at his  
surroundings,finding himself in a vacant lot of some kind,  
possibly a park, since he could see the tops of houses on the  
other side of the fences. Resignedly, he uttered the family  
catchphrase.  
  
"Uhm, where am I?"  
  
Shampoo sighed. The resemblance was pronounced, but she'd  
hoped it was merely a coincidence. "You're a Hibiki, aren't  
you, young man." It was a statement, not a question.  
  
"Er, yeah? Is that a problem? Dad didn't skip out on a  
bill or something, did he? He doesn't mean to do that, y'know,  
he just gets lost real easy." He pulled out a damp billfold.  
"Whatever it is, I can pay it. It was just an honest  
mistake..."   
  
Shampoo's eyes twinkled. Hibikis are powerful martial  
artists, and not too bright, either. Ideal mates for an Amazon  
with prospects. "Monetary compensation won't be necessary,  
young man. However, you DID knock my niece into Tokyo  
harbour..."  
  
Ti-Pi took this as her cue, and looked victimized. "Was  
AWFUL! Poor Ti-Pi was soaked to skin, and water so stinky..."  
  
"Gosh, I'm sorry..." Kobuta blushed and stood. "It was an  
accident, really! Can I make it up to you?"  
  
Ti-Pi smiled hungrily and nodded to her Aunt. "Pig-boy  
can make it up by fighting Ti-Pi!" With a flourish, she  
produced a trident and brandished it overhead. "Pig-boy insult  
Ti-Pi's honour! Poor Ti-Pi only fresh off hovercraft, when  
nasty Japanese boy knock her into ocean, make her lose face  
first minute in strange country! Insult must be avenged!" She  
swung her war trident at him, or rather, at the vacant spot he  
had been moments before.  
  
"Hey, now! I already apologized! No need for this!"  
  
"Boy be quiet and fight!"  
  
"No, this isn't right! I can't hit a girl!"  
  
Ti-Pi snarled and lunged, but Kobuta leapt up and back to  
land on top of a concrete wall. "Stop it!"  
  
"Boy WILL give Ti-Pi satisfaction!" She hurled her  
trident like a spear. Kobuta dodged, but was alarmed to see  
the weapon plough through the foot thick wall like it was made  
of ricepaper.  
  
"Whoa! Be careful with that thing!"  
  
Ti-Pi ignored him, producing a kasuri-gama, a sickle-  
blade attached to a handle by a length of chain. Whirling the  
chain, she began to advance warily.  
  
Shampoo watched the unfolding battle with an expert eye.  
Ti-Pi was going all-out. Good, she nodded. It wouldn't do for  
her to use half-measures. She noted, however, that the Hibiki  
boy was merely fighting defensively, making no attacks. He was  
certainly faster on his feet than she remembered Ryoga being,  
and not quite as strong, she judged from the size of his  
build. It was equally obvious that Ti-Pi was outmatched. She  
needed to use an area-of-effect attack to catch the nimble  
boy, and she had none in this form. With a sigh, Shampoo  
produced trio of water balloons and hurled them toward the  
melee. They'd practiced this manoeuvre often, and Ti-Pi would  
know what to do.  
  
"Ti-Pi!" She called. "Incoming!" Ti-Pi glanced back and  
nodded firmly, standing her ground as the round projectiles  
fell in a slow arc. Kobuta looked up. The girl was in the way  
of those bombs!  
  
He bent his knees and assumed a Sumo squat, exhaling  
loudly. Gritting his teeth, he focused and called upon his  
inner strength. Unseen, a blue aura flared into life at his  
feet and enveloped his whole body. Swinging his arms wide, he  
called upon one of the secret techniques of the Unryu School.  
With a final grunt of effort, he slammed his hands together in  
a clapping motion.  
  
"TYPHOON SLAP!"  
  
The resulting gust of wind blew Ti-Pi and Shampoo off  
their feet and sent the much flimsier forms of the water-  
balloons flying over the horizon.  
  
Shampoo smiled. A chi-technique? Few were so capable so  
young. Truly, the Hibiki boy _was_ worthy. She helped Ti-Pi to  
her feet and whispered in her niece's ear.  
  
"Ti-Pi... Take a dive."  
  
****************************************  
  
That's all for now! Tune in next time for more fun with  
the next generation of the Nerima Wrecking Crew, as we see the  
conclusion of the Kobuta-Ti-Pi battle, Keiichi's reaction and  
more from the cousins Kuno. Plus, more with Ranko and Sachiko.  
  
As to Kasumi's strange attitudes regarding martial arts,  
I ask that you bear with me. All will be revealed in time, I  
swear.  
  
Thanks to everyone who's written so far with comments,  
suggestions, even those who wrote in with complaints. I really  
do appreciate the feedback. Any type of c+c is greatly  
appreciated, even (shudder) MST3Ks. Sent to:  
deibu_kun@sympatico.ca   
  
Until next time, I remain,  
  
Your Obedient Servant,  
  
D.  
  
  
For yummy anime fanfiction, discriminating readers visit the  
SpacePirates Guild at http://spghome.tripod.com/   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Default Chapter Title

LA PLUS CA CHANGE...  
Oh Gods, not ANOTHER Ranma Fanfiction by Dave Menard...  
  
DISCLAIMER: Original characters and situations by Rumiko  
Takahashi and others; I'm just a bored Canadian, and baby  
seals are out of season...  
  
PART FIVE  
  
***********************  
  
"Sachiko, PLEASE! I don't think I'm being unreasonable  
here..."  
  
"Forget it, Daddy..." Sachiko said absently as she  
stirred the fish stew. "I'm sorry if it makes you mad, but I'm  
not going out on a date with Kobuta. I only just met him,  
after all."   
  
"That's exactly my point!" Ranma blustered. "What better  
way to get to know him, than a nice romantic dinner? Why, I  
wish MY father had been as understanding as I'm being. You  
don't know how lucky you have it, honey, believe you me..."  
  
"In case you haven't noticed, _Daddy_," She said that  
last with that undertone of contempt that teenagers reserve  
for parents who simply have no clue, "I'm _making_ dinner."  
  
"Er, well... Let Ranko take care of it."  
  
"Honestly Daddy, you _know_ Ranko can't cook. She could  
burn water. Besides, she has a tournament tomorrow, she's got  
to train."  
  
"Well then, let _me_ do it. I'm a fair hand in the  
kitchen..."  
  
Sachiko paused, the gears in her head spinning. Her  
father _was_ a remarkably good cook. This would require  
strategy...  
  
"Daddy, please. I simply can't allow such a MANLY man as  
yourself to sully himself with women's work..." she winced  
inwardly at her own words, but what could she do? Daddy was a  
very old-fashioned man in many ways.  
  
"Ah, er..." Ranma was stymied. She'd used the "M" word  
against which he was powerless. Unless... He turned on the  
cold water tap and splashed himself. He was amazed at how all  
the old tricks came back to him, just like riding a bicycle.  
  
"Quite right, daughter," Ranma-chan said. "It's a good  
thing that 'Mama-san' is here, hmm?"  
  
Crap. Sachiko internally went through a litany of  
profanities that nice girls like herself ostensibly wouldn't  
know. Out of ideas. "Sigh. Fine, Daddy, I'll go on a date with  
him, but I promise you, I won't enjoy it..." And neither will  
he, she silently vowed.  
  
"Great! Now you just go on upstairs and get ready, I'll  
take care of everything here. Shoo! Scat!" Ranma-chan hustled  
her daughter out of the kitchen. "Leave everything to Daddy."  
  
Ryouga wandered in and leaned against the doorframe, a  
wry smile on his lips. "You really have _no_ dignity, do you,  
Ranma..."  
  
Ranma-chan scowled. "Don't be any dumber than you have to  
be, Ryouga. This is for the union of the schools!"  
  
"Uh huh..." Ryouga smirked. "You sure it's not because  
you actually enjoy using your curse again after all these  
years?"  
  
"Says the man whose wife married him BECAUSE of his  
curse..."  
  
"HEY! Leave Akari out of this!"  
  
"Make me!"   
  
Ryouga growled, cracking his knuckles. "That's it! I'm  
not here three hours and already you're starting in on me?  
You're gonna get it, once and for all!"  
  
"Aww, the tub of lard's gonna teach me a lesson, is he?  
C'mon fat man, let's go!" Ranma slid into a stance familiar  
through long practice.  
  
"RAN-MAAAAAA..." Ryouga's round face turned purple. Ranma  
barely restrained herself from jumping for joy. It had been  
far too long. C'mon, P-chan, say it, say it!  
  
"...PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!"  
  
Yes!!!  
  
  
************************  
  
  
"OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodI'mSORR-EEEEEEE!!!!!"  
Kobuta wailed. He'd hit a girl! Not only hit her, he'd laid  
her out flat! He was a woman beater, the lowest scum on earth!  
He couched down next to the supine form of the cute Amazon  
girl, shaking her roughly by the shoulders. "Wake up! Wake up!  
Oh God I've killed her! WAKE UP!!!!!!" His rattling became  
even more frantic as the girl remained insensate. Oddly  
enough, her aunt seemed content to stand back and watch. "For  
God's sake, lady, get a doctor! Call an ambulance!!!"  
  
Ti-Pi slowly regained consciousness, puzzled at why the  
world was shaking around her. Her head whipped back and forth  
so quickly, she thought she might get whiplash. "Uhhh...  
Anyone get number of hovertank that hit Ti-Pi..?"  
  
Kobuta cried out joyfully. "You're okay! Oh, thank God!  
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you! You just sort of walked  
into it! Thank God you're okay!" The frantic boy hugged her  
close, laughing with joy.  
  
Ti-Pi felt her spine start to bend uncomfortably. "Is  
okay, please, is okay!" She yelped as he squeezed harder. "Uh,  
help? Auntie? Help? HE-EEELLLLLPPP!"  
  
Kobuta was started out of his fugue by the cry. Realizing  
what he was doing, he released the girl and lept back, hands  
up in warding gestures. "I'm sorry! I was just so happy you're  
all right! I wasn't trying to cop a feel or anything,  
honest!!"  
  
Wobbling slightly, Ti-Pi found her feet and staggered  
toward the freaked-out boy. Tentatively, she reached out and  
touched his face, glancing over at her aunt for approval.  
Shampoo smiled beatifically and nodded. Ti-Pi returned her  
gaze to Kobuta, meeting his startled gaze with a sultry look  
she'd practiced long and hard in the mirror for just such an  
occasion. Leaning forward, she kissed him gently on the lips.  
  
"Wo Ai Ni. Wode Airen..." Her voiced trailed off as  
Kobuta's eyes rolled up into his head and he fainted, blood  
fountaining from his nose as he fell. She looked down at the  
heap that was her newfound husband, then over at her aunt.  
Tears welled up in her eyes.  
  
"Auntie, TI-Pi broke him!!!! Waaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!"  
  
************************  
  
Despite herself, Sachiko found herself getting excited  
about her date, although perhaps not for the reasons her  
father might have hoped.  
  
"Heheheheheh...." Sachiko chuckled sinisterly as she  
selected her wardrobe, a battle aura flaring to life around  
her. "Kobuta Hibiki, tonight, I lead you into dating HELL!!!"  
  
Ranko knocked once and let herself in. "Sacchi, you're  
laughing maniacally again. You know how much that creeps me  
out..."  
  
Sachiko blushed. "Sorry, 'niichan. Just planning the  
total destruction of the pig-boy."  
  
"Ahh, I see." Ranko nodded sagely. "Still determined to  
follow through on your plan, then?"  
  
"You betcha!" Sachiko said fiercely. "Daddy wants me to  
go out on a date with him, fine. But I'll be damned if he'll  
enjoy himself, the jerk! I'm gonna make him take me out to the  
nicest restaurant in town, then I'm gonna order the most  
expensive thing on the menu, then I'm gonna have it sent back  
three times until I'm happy, and _then_ I'm not even going to  
_eat_ it, I'll just pick at it for a while!!!"  
  
"Evil." Ranko observed.  
  
"Heh! I'm just getting started!" Sachiko cackled nastily.  
"I'm gonna wear The Dress!" She whirled, producing an article  
of clothing that bore more resemblance to a scarf than a  
dress. The easiest way to describe it would be to say it was  
very, VERY red, and barely there.  
  
Ranko gasped. "Not THE dress?!" The Dress had originally  
been Ranko's; she'd used it to utterly destroy a few boys in  
her own time. The power of The Dress to reduce even the  
strongest man to putty was not to be scoffed at.  
  
"You betcha! Using its evil power, I will proceed to  
torment him unmercifully, and then give him the cold shoulder  
at every opportunity! BWAH-HA-HA-HAA!!!"  
  
"Damn, that's cold." Ranko winced. "I didn't know you had  
it in you..."  
  
"NO risk is too great, no plan too evil, to protect my  
freedom, Ranko! I-" A crash and a yelp from downstairs  
distracted her. "What's going on down there, anyway?"  
  
"Aw, it's nothin'." Ranko waved her hand dismissively.  
"Just Pop an' Mr. Hibiki blowin' off some steam."  
  
"Huh. It sounds like..." The sound of property being  
destroyed echoed up the stairs. "Ranko, tell me they're  
fighting in the dojo. PLEASE tell me they're fighting in the  
dojo..."  
  
"No such luck, Sacchi."  
  
"MY KITCHEN!!!" Sachiko yelped, dashing out the door.  
  
  
************************  
  
Kobuta sneezed loudly. "Damn, must've picked something up  
from the harbour water..." Ti-Pi glomped onto him firmly and  
began to snuggle up.  
  
"Kobuta-Airen catching cold? Ti-Pi will make it all  
better..."  
  
Kobuta blushed furiously. "Hey now, I, uh..." He gently  
tried to extricate himself, to no avail. He turned to Shampoo,  
a pleading look in his eyes. "Ma'am, can you, umm... What  
exactly does 'airen' mean, anyway?"  
  
Shampoo smiled pleasantly. "It means 'beloved spouse'."  
  
Kobuta's eyes bugged out. "NANI?! Now, w-wait a moment  
here... Why does she think I'm her husband? Did I hit her too  
hard?!!"  
  
Ti-Pi looked up at him adoringly. "When Airen defeat Ti-  
Pi, he prove that he love her! Now we be together for ever!"  
  
The boy blinked. "Huh? What kind of screwy logic is that?  
I only just met you!"  
  
Ti-Pi looked surprised, released Kobuta and began to pat  
herself down as though she was looking for something.  
Momentarily, she produced an improbably thick book from her  
cleavage and began to flip through it. Finding the page she  
was looking for, she held it out to Kobuta, who scanned it  
quickly.  
  
"Hmm... I see... Uh huh... Ah, _that_ explains it,  
yes..."  
  
Ti-Pi giggled happily. "Airen understand now?"  
  
Kobuta nodded. "Not a damn word. I can't read Chinese."  
  
Ti-Pi picked herself up off the pavement. "WHY AIREN NOT  
SAY SO?! YEESH!" she flipped the page. "Is in Japanese on next  
page."  
  
"Ahh." Kobuta scratched the back of his read as he  
perused the book. "Amazon challenge law, revised 2010... Let's  
see, oh, here we go. 'In the event an Amazon woman is defeated  
by an outsider, she has two options. The Kiss of Death...'"  
Kobuta swallowed hard. "'...or the Kiss of Marriage.'" He  
swallowed harder. "'Should the Amazon choose to deliver the  
Kiss of Death, she must pursue her challenger to the ends of  
the earth until either the Amazon or her challenger is dead.  
If she chooses the Kiss of Marriage, she becomes the bride of  
the challenger.' Oh, _I_ see." Kobuta laughed. "So I'm your  
husband now, am I? Well, that's better than death, I suppose,  
I..." He blinked, and shook himself. "WHAT AM I SAYING?! I  
CAN'T MARRY YOU! I'M ENGAGED!!!"  
  
Shampoo smacked herself on the forehead. Oh Goddess, not  
again! Luckily, being the Matriarch had it's perks. She'd had  
the rules re-written so that no Amazon would have to suffer  
through what she had all those years ago. "Don't worry,  
Nephew. Amazon law makes a provision for just such an  
occasion. So long as Ti-Pi agrees to share you with your  
fiancee as a co-wife, there's no problem!" She smiled  
pleasantly at her new in-law.  
  
Kobuta blinked. "Share..?" Hentai images danced through  
his head as he contemplated it. "Wow. That'd be..." He shook  
himself. "Naw, that's not right!"  
  
Ti-Pi smiled pleasantly. "Well, then is one other way.  
Ti-Pi just get rid of fiancee, and Kobuta-Airen all hers!"  
  
Kobuta blanched. "Er, nonononononononono! No killing!  
That would be bad. "Um, can I talk this over with my Dad?"  
  
Shampoo smiled pleasantly. "Of course! Ti-Pi should meet  
her new family as soon as possible. Lead the way, nephew."  
  
Kobuta let out the breath he'd been holding and nodded.  
Dad would know what to do...  
  
He led the two Amazons back to the Tendo dojo, still  
desperately trying to dislodge the extremely kawaii growth  
he'd developed on his arm, making polite small talk all the  
while. Eventually, though, he noticed that Shampoo was  
beginning to look antsy.  
  
"Nephew... Are you sure we're going the right way? You  
are, after all, a Hibiki..."  
  
"Oh, that's right, you know my Dad, huh? No, once I've  
been someplace, I can always find my way back there. According  
to Mom, she an' Dad paid through the snout for er,  
whatchamacallit, 'in-utero gene therapy'? It's all pretty  
standard now, but back then it wasn't cheap, no sir. Mom 'n  
Dad took out a second mortgage on the farm just so they could  
afford it... Anyways, I never get lost. Usually, I guide my  
Dad around, but sometimes he wanders off anyway. Hope he's  
still where I left him..."  
  
"So then..." Shampoo began to recognize the neighbourhood  
as alarm bells began to go off. She continued on with a note  
of false innocence, "Your fiancee... What's her name?"  
  
"Sachiko Tendo."  
  
Ti-Pi blinked in surprise as her revered auntie, who was  
usually so cool, calm and collected, broke into a tirade of  
Chinese invective that turned the air blue. Kobuta turned,  
shocked, to Ti-Pi.  
  
"Was it something I said?"  
  
**********************  
  
At the Kuno mansion, Kin lay on her bed in full plotting  
mode, absently twirling a stylus through her fingers. How to  
solve the Burakuro problem...  
  
She had to do something about this tonight. His very  
presence disturbed her equilibrium sufficiently that she knew  
she'd be performing far below her capabilities in the  
Tournament tomorrow. If she wanted to place decently, she had  
to balance the books somehow...  
  
"Computer, open file header 'Operation Weedkiller'"  
  
The electronic voice of her top-of-the-line StandardSoft  
Datalink terminal chimed in cheerily. "That file is under  
password protection. Please state password for verification  
and voiceprint analysis."  
  
Kin sighed. "A fool and his money are soon parted."  
  
"Password and voiceprint confirmed. Opening file."  
  
The miniature holoprojector she'd had installed sparked  
to life, displaying a file directory panel. Kin reached out  
with a delicately tapered finger at touched a folder icon  
marked "L. Gosunkugi". At that touch, the folder sprung open  
and displayed a picture of a delicately pretty girl with long  
tumbledown curls of midnight black hair, kohl eyeliner laid on  
thick around her crystal blue eyes. Statistics and personal  
data scrolled downward from the image.  
  
"Computer..." Kin said pensively. "Display 'N' factor  
rating for subject Lina Gosunkugi."  
  
A window sprang open on the screen. Inside, it read:  
"Nuisance Factor 9.5 out of 10. Highest rating to date."  
  
"Excellent." Kin chuckled menacingly. "Computer, activate  
vidphone, dial subject's private line."  
  
The computer hopped to, opening a vidwindow. It made  
burbling and clicking sounds, and a face appeared at the  
window.  
  
"Moshi-moshi, Lina here, what can I... Oh. It's YOU."  
Lina scowled.  
  
"Tsk, tsk my dear girl." Kin said with a feline grin.  
"I'm here to do you a favour..."  
  
"Uh huh. Right." By the sounds of things, Lina didn't  
believe a word of it. "And how much is this gonna cost me,  
Kin?"  
  
"Oh, woe! What have I done to merit such slings and  
arrows? I am but a poor merchant, trying to get by..."  
  
"Right. Pull the other one, Kin."  
  
"I have news... of _him_..."  
  
Lina's eyes grew wide. "He's back?! REALLY?!"  
  
Kin nodded. "Your beloved Bura-sama awaits your sweet  
presence in his chambers. I pray thee, get thee hence, ere he  
wastes away pining for your sweet touch!"  
  
"Thanks, Kin, I owe you one." Lina smiled warmly. Kin  
merely shook her head.  
  
"Nay, sweet Lina, it is I who must give thanks to you. To  
see my beloved cousin in such bliss is payment enough!"  
  
Lina nodded, still smiling, and hung up. Kin lay back,  
cocked an ear, and waited for the festivities to begin.  
  
**********************  
  
Burakuro was in his room, his attention fully focused on  
his meditations. Well, maybe meditation isn't the right word  
to use, but the proper term also starts with "m" and ends with  
"tion", and also tends to be done in private, so why quibble?  
  
At any rate, he was moments away from achieving Satori  
when Lina appeared overhead in a flash of light.  
  
"Oh, Bura-sama..." She purred, hovering in mid air.  
Burakuro looked up, blanching, weapon still in hand.  
  
"Crap..."  
  
Lina got a good look at how her Bura-sama was passing the  
time. Her eyes went wide with surprise and delight.  
  
"Oh, Bura-sama... Is that for _me_...?"  
  
Back in her room, Kin smiled as the screams of terror  
started. That should keep him out of her hair for a while.  
  
*********************  
  
END OF CHAPTER:  
  
NEXT TIME: Shampoo and Ranma, reunited at last! Ti-Pi meets  
her co-wife, Ranko tries to get some sleep and the awful power  
of The Dress is unleashed against an unsuspecting Kobuta in an  
episode I had to call (well, I didn't HAVE to, but I felt like  
it,) "Still Crazy After All These Years!"  
  
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: Thanks to everyone who wrote with words of  
encouragement; I expect that this part of the series will run  
another two chapters tops, taking us to the end of the All-  
Japan King of Fighters Tourney, after which I'll be taking a  
break to continue some of my other series. If you'd like to  
see more stories after that with the next-gen characters, let  
me know!  
  
deibu_kun@sympatico.ca  
  
For yummy fanfic, visit the Space Pirates' Guild at:  
http://spghome.tripod.com/  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Default Chapter Title

LE PLUS CA CHANGE...  
Gods above, it's another damn Ranma 1/2 fanfic  
By Dave Menard  
  
DISCLAIMER:Original characters and situations 100% owned and  
operated by Rumiko Takahashi and her designated licensees. Me?  
I m just borrowing them for a while. Don't worry, I'll have  
'em back by midnight...  
  
Previous chapters available at http://spghome.tripod.com/  
  
CHAPTER SIX  
  
***************************  
  
The air was thick with unspoken tension. From the  
outside, it might've appeared to be a proper Japanese gathering.  
Ryouga, Kobuta, Sachiko and Ranko knelt politely at the table,  
Ti-Pi knelt slightly behind her Airen's father, massaging his  
broad shoulders. The half-amazon girl's face gave lie to the  
untroubled setting; a strange mix of worry and anticipation  
flitted across her kawaii features as she glanced in the  
direction of the dojo.  
  
Ryoga grumbled, bearlike. "They've been in there a long  
time..." the big man muttered.  
  
"Aiyaa..." Ti-Pi breathed, nodding. "Honoured Father-in-  
Law speak truly; Ti-Pi not know that Auntie have Airen."  
  
"What's keeping them, anyway?" Sachiko muttered. she was  
dressed in a red dress that barely concealed her petite form,  
her planned date-from-hell forgotten. She glared across the  
table at her so-called-fiance, the one who was, to her mind,  
the author of her father's current misery.  
  
"Hey, don't look at me, Sachiko-san. It's not like I knew  
what I was getting into. I didn't _mean_ to- ah, er-" Ti-Pi  
looked up at that, giving Kobuta a hurt look. He gave her a  
sickly, apologetic smile. The girl's face brightened slightly,  
and she winked back.  
  
"Would you two quit flirting!" Sachiko muttered. "Some of  
us are trying to digest dinner here."  
  
Ranko yawned. "All I know is that this'd better  
finish up soon. I need to hit the sack. Don't wanna win that  
tournament tomorrow with bags under my eyes; how'd _that_ look  
in the papers?"  
  
"There's a tournament tomorrow?" Kobuta asked, eager for  
conversation unrelated to his current troubles.  
  
"Yep-ers. Annual King Of Fighters tournament. Gonna sweep  
the women's under-thirty division _again_. S'good publicity  
for the dojo, don'cha know."  
  
"Hey Dad, howcome you didn't enter me in the tournament?"  
Kobuta asked.  
  
"Well, we Hibiki's aren't tournament fighters, son."  
  
"Whassamatter, not good enough?" Ranko smirked.  
  
"No, that's not it at all!" Ryoga grumbled. Just like her  
Father, this one. "We, er... don't get invited anymore."  
  
"Why is that, honoured Father-in-Law?" Ti-Pi questioned.  
  
Ryoga muttered something unintelligible.  
  
"What was that?" Ranko teased.  
  
Ryoga sighed. "I _said_, the committee said I was too  
destructive. It's not my fault the stadium fell apart. Damn  
substandard workmanship..."  
  
"Oh." Kobuta mumbled. "Darn. Would'a been fun to compete.  
I could've shown you girls my stuff."  
  
Sachiko snorted. "Martial arts. Phooey."  
  
Ti-Pi smiled sympathetically. "Is okay, Airen. Ti-Pi  
already know you worthy husband."  
  
"Well..." Ranko mulled, "Registration doesn't close until  
the first match starts. Why'ncha sign up? I ain't interested  
in marryin' ya, but I wouldn't mind seeyin' what yer gonna be  
teachin' my eventual nieces an' nephews."  
  
"Ranko!" Sachiko yelped. "We're not getting married!"  
  
"Oh, so you're gonna have a litter outta wedlock, are ya?  
Very progressive of ya, 'tochan," she teased. Sachiko turned  
purple.  
  
"Umm," Kobuta interjected, "Pigs don't actually _have_  
litters-"  
  
"You shut up!" Sachiko snarled. "You don't have to  
encourage them!"  
  
"Sachiko be nice to Airen!" Ti-Pi warned. "Or Ti-Pi have  
to put shield-hand wife over her knee!"  
  
"I'm am NOT your wife, and you wouldn't dare!!!"  
  
The table descended into mayhem at that point, leaving  
Ryoga, fortunately, on the outside. The big man shook his head  
wearily. What the hell was keeping Ranma?  
  
******************  
  
The arrival of the Amazons hadn't gone as badly as it  
might have, considering. What made a potential disaster into a  
mere crisis was, as usual, the influence of Kasumi.  
  
Sachiko was in the middle of berating her father and  
potential father-in-law for fighting in her kitchen (No, Mr.  
Hibiki, I _don't_ believe it was Daddy's fault. Daddy, quit  
sticking your tongue out at Mr. Hibiki!) when the vidphone  
rang.  
  
"Darn it! All right, then. You two-" She pointed  
meaningfully at the supposed adults, "-get to work cleaning  
this mess up! I'll get the phone. I _heard_ that, Daddy, and I  
am _not_ bossy!" She reached out and toggled on the vid-  
phone's voice-only option. "Moshi-moshi, Tendo-ku, Sachiko  
desu... Auntie Kasumi! Hi!"  
  
"Hello, dear," Kasumi said pleasantly. "Is your father  
home?"  
  
"He's, ah, he can't really come to the phone right now,  
Auntie," She paused to glare at her father. "Can I give him  
a message?"   
  
"Oh, well, yes. If you could tell him that Shampoo is in  
town, and that she'll probably be dropping by before long."  
  
"Shampoo? Someone's delivering shampoo?"  
  
Kasumi sighed. "Just tell your father, dear. I've got a  
housecall to make, so I can't really chat. Give my love to  
your sister, and tell her that Tofu, Keiichi and I will be  
cheering for her tomorrow."  
  
"I will, Auntie. Take care."  
  
"You too, dear."  
  
Sachiko hung up the line and turned, frowning. "Father,  
Auntie Kasumi said to tell you something about shampoo being  
delivered, or something like that, anyway..."  
  
"Shampoo?" Ranma blinked. "There's plenty in the ofuro, I  
didn't order any..." She paused as a light dawned. "Wait, did  
she say someone was _delivering_ shampoo, or did she mention  
someone _named_ Shampoo?"  
  
"I'm not sure, I guess it could have been... You know  
someone named Shampoo?"  
  
Ranma and Ryoga exchanged awkward glances.  
  
"Err, yes?"  
  
"Shampoo.. Shampoo..." Sachiko thought aloud. "Now where  
have I heard a name like that... Hey! Isn't Chugoku's Dad  
named Mousse? What, is this person from the same part of China  
as him?"  
  
"Err... Yes?" Ranma temporized.  
  
"This isn't another unpleasant moment from your past that  
come back to bite you in the rear, is it, Daddy?"  
  
"Errr..."  
  
"Terrific." Sachiko muttered. "It's a day for  
revelations. This'd better not be another fiance, Daddy..."  
  
"Not one of yours, no..." Ranma sweated out, after a  
moment of thought.  
  
"WONderful. You're SUCH a comfort, Daddy..."  
  
  
********************  
  
The kitchen and environs had been returned to a  
serviceable state by the time the doorbell rang.  
  
"Well, that must be this Shampoo person..." Sachiko  
stood, going over to the engawa.  
  
"I don't know, Sacchi," Ranma (once again in his natural  
form) interjected. "Shampoo's usually not one for doors."  
  
"She generally makes her own." Ryoga clarified.  
  
Sachiko groaned into her hands. "Mother, if you're  
watching, don't let me kill Daddy..."  
  
Muttering imprecations under her breath, Sachiko answered  
the door.  
  
"Hello, welcome to the Tendo dojo-" She noticed Kobuta  
standing there sheepishly, only peripherally aware of the two  
women. "Oh. It's _you_." Her voice dripped ice.  
  
Shampoo glanced speculatively down at the girl who had  
answered the door. So this was Ranma's daughter. She strongly  
resembled his girl half, except for her hair colour and style.  
Were it not for the scandalously tiny dress she was wearing,  
she might have taken them for the same person; but not even  
the mirror-generated Onna-Ranma had dressed that brazenly.  
  
Kobuta noticed The Dress. You could tell he'd noticed  
because his nose was geysering blood at an alarming rate. That  
is, it was, until he passed out from sensory overload and  
collapsed in a heap in the doorway.  
  
"Well, it's nice to know it would have worked... "  
Sachiko muttered.  
  
Ti-Pi witnessed the display with trepidation. This little  
sex-bomb was to be her co-wife? Unconsciously, she drew  
herself up a little taller, thrusting out her chest. Two could  
play at this game!  
  
Shampoo cleared her throat, and Sachiko remembered her  
manners.  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry." She looked up... and up... at the  
statuesque violet-haired Amazon. "Hello..."  
  
Shampoo and Ti-Pi bowed politely. "Hello, Saotome-san. I  
am Shampoo of Joketsuzoku. It is an honour to make your  
aquaintance."  
  
Ti-Pi mimicked her elder's motions. "Nihao!"  
  
Sachiko's eyes slid from one to the other. "Um, Nihao.  
It s er, Tendo, actually. Saotome is my father's family's  
name."  
  
"Ah." Shampoo nodded. At least Akane had done something  
right and not ceded her family name to a male. "Forgive us,  
Tendo-san. I am an old friend of your father. May we come in?"  
  
"Of course, please." Sachiko waved them in, tugging them  
hem of her skirt down self-consciously. "This way..."  
Sachiko stepped lightly over Kobuta s prone form into the  
hallway.  
  
Ti-Pi sighed as she looked down on her Airen. "We is  
going to have to break you of this, Airen. Ti-Pi cannot be  
carrying you everyplace."  
  
******************  
  
Shampoo was unprepared for the maelstrom of emotions that  
nearly overwhelmed her as she laid eyes on Ranma.  
  
Goddess, she thought to herself, he's still so damn sexy!  
Age had recast Ranma's boyish features into handsome, manly  
planes. His steel-blue eyes were careworn, but still soulful  
pools a woman could drown herself in. Her earlier fear that  
his body might have degenerated into the slothfulness of his  
father was completely dispelled. Despite the gulf of years, it  
was almost all she could do from charging across the room and  
taking him in her arms, so powerful were the feelings his  
presence stirred.  
  
Yet the memories of that day twenty years ago, when he  
made his choice, were still present, keeping her from  
acting the fool. Mentally, she steeled herself. This man had  
rejected her, had loved another. The cold ache of that fact  
settled into her stomach, allowing her to regain her  
composure.  
  
"Ranma..." Shampoo said, bowing formally.  
  
Ranma sucked air through clenched teeth, his eyes wide. The  
Amazon's girlish beauty had blossomed into the form and figure of  
a warrior queen. Her violet locks, once done up in maiden's  
braids and buns, hung long, loose and vibrant to her knees. She  
was tall, easily 200 cm, at least a head taller that he. At  
sixteen, he had thought her figure lush, her features cute. How  
things had changed! Now that the fullness of womanhood was upon  
her she resembled nothing so much as a goddess out of myth.  
Simply put, she was stunning.  
  
"Shampoo. It's... good to see you."  
  
Ryoga looked back and forth between his two old allies,  
their mutual admiration obvious. This, he thought to himself,  
was an unexpected development.   
  
The big man noticed the younger Amazon enter, carrying  
his son. "Urhm..."  
  
Shampoo tore her gaze away from Ranma. "Ryoga? Is... that  
YOU?" A smile spread across her face. "LOOK at you! You're  
so... so..."  
  
"Porky?" Ranma interjected, unable to restrain himself.  
  
Shampoo tactfully ignored the comment. "... husky! Akari  
must be taking good care of you!"  
  
"Um, yes, Akari's wonderful, I... Excuse me, but what is  
that young lady doing with my son?"  
  
Ti-Pi smiled and drew herself up. "Greetings, Honoured  
Father-in-Law! Am Ti-Pi, warrior of Joketsuzoku. Ti-Pi is too-  
too happy to meet her new family!!"  
  
"Oh, no..." Ryoga moaned. "He didn't... He isn't..."  
  
"Oh yes. He did, he is." Shampoo said, stepping forward,  
all smiles. "Welcome to the family, Ryoga."  
  
******************  
  
Sachiko, as might be expected, took the news quite well.  
  
"Hey, congratulations, Kobuta. Couldn't happen to a nicer  
fellow."  
  
"Er, gosh, Sachiko-san, I'm glad you re being so broad-  
minded about this..." Kobuta said, surprised.  
  
"Yes, Ti-Pi very glad to see everything go so smoothly!"  
  
"Hey, forget it!" Sachiko said jubilantly. "I want to  
wish you two a long, happy life together! All the best,  
really."  
  
"Frankly, I'm amazed!" Kobuta quipped. "When Ti-Pi told  
me, I thought you'd hit the roof! Ha-ha! Silly me, huh?" He  
rubbed the back of his head. This was almost to good to be  
true! He wasn t a pervert, (or at least, no more perverted  
than the average seventeen-year-old) but he wasn't about to  
look a gift horse like this in the mouth!  
  
"What's all the hullabaloo?" Ranko called from upstairs.  
"I'm tryin' to make an early night of it, ya know!"  
  
"C'mon down, Oneechan!" Sachiko called. "Kobuta's here,  
and he's introducing us to his new fiancee!"  
  
"New fiancee? Oh, I gotta see Pops' face!" Ranko appeared  
in the space of a heartbeat.  
  
"Er- " Ti-Pi interrupted. "Ti-Pi is sorry to interrupt,  
but think 'fiancee' is not right word, maybe."  
  
"No?" Sachiko asked, a little worried.  
  
"Ti-Pi is Airen s wife!"  
  
"Hey, even better!" Sachiko was inwardly jumping for joy.  
Her problem was solved. She was rid of the pig for good!   
  
Ti-Pi leapt forward and hugged the shorter girl  
effusively. "Ti-Pi is so happy! Sachiko and Ti-Pi will be such  
good friends! Make Airen too-too happy!"  
  
"H-huhn? Uh, sure... We can be friends..." Sachiko  
squeaked from the hug.  
  
"Ti-Pi is so glad Sachiko agree to be shield-hand wife!  
Ti-Pi sure we be like sisters in no time!"  
  
Ranko blinked. "Shield-hand wife? What's that mean?"  
  
Ti-Pi broke out of the hug, keeping an arm over  
Sachiko's shoulders. "Is Amazon law! If Amazon's Airen have  
already claim on hand, then Amazon must either kill rival girl  
or accept as shield-hand wife. Ti-Pi so glad that Sachiko  
marry Ti-Pi! Is so much nicer that way!"  
  
The import of Ti-Pi s words slowly penetrated Sacchi's  
mind. Wife? Marry? A GIRL?!  
  
"NANI?!?!" Sachiko and Ranko chorused.  
  
"Yeah, that was my reaction at first," Kobuta said, "but  
when Sachiko-san agreed so readily... Well, who am I to  
complain? I admit, it'll be difficult, providing for all three  
of us, but I promise I'll take care of both of you." Kobuta  
struck a righteous pose. "Fear not! I, Kobuta Hibiki, will be  
the best husband I can be!!! I- UKRK!"  
  
Sachiko elbowed him in the gut. "Knock it off, Casanova!  
And _you_," she whirled on Ti-Pi, "You... Hussy! I'm not  
marrying ANYBODY!!!"  
  
"Who you call hussy?" Ti-Pi chirped. "Ti-Pi not one who  
is wearing itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-red-as-fire-engine fuck-me  
dress!!!"  
  
Things degenerated from there.  
  
As Ranko and Ryoga struggled to pry Sachiko off Kobuta  
and Ti-Pi, Shampoo calmly strolled up to Ranma.  
  
"We need to talk, Ranma," the tall Amazon said softly.  
"Privately, if possible."  
  
"O-of course..." Ranma stuttered, looking up at his  
guest. "We'll talk in the dojo."  
  
"Fine," Shampoo nodded. "Ti-Pi?"  
  
"Y-yes honoured Auntie?" Ti-Pi yelped, trying to extract  
one of her braids from Sachiko's nigh-foaming mouth.  
  
"Play nice with your new Airens, now."  
  
"Yes, honoured Auntie!"  
  
**********************  
  
"She's a cute kid. Yours?" Ranma mumbled, searching for  
something to break the ice. Shampoo shook her head, smiling  
softly.  
  
"My niece. Ti-Pi is a lovely girl, and one of our best  
warriors. She'll make a fine bride for the Hibiki boy. Your  
daughter..."  
  
"Sachiko is... very much like her mother, sometimes.  
she's stubborn, willful and set in her ways."  
  
"Sounds more like you than Akane."  
  
"Oh?"   
  
"Well, maybe a bit like both of you. She doesn't seem  
like much of a fighter, though. Oh, she's very fierce, but..."  
  
"She doesn't practice the Art, if that's what you mean.  
Not for ten years, anyway. Ranko is the school's heir."  
  
"Your eldest?"  
  
"Yes. She's very talented."  
  
"She has the carriage of a warrior. She'd make a fine  
Amazon, Ranma. I..." She sighed, shaking her head. "This is  
very awkward."  
  
"That's an understatement."  
  
"I've missed you, Ranma."  
  
"Have you?" His voice and expression were unreadable.  
  
"Yes, I have... Airen."  
  
"Please don't."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't call me that. Akane was my wife, not you."  
  
"By Amazon law, we were married from the moment I gave  
you the Kiss of Marriage-"  
  
"You know I-"  
  
"That doesn't change the fact that it's true. As far as  
our laws are concerned, you are still my husband."  
  
He sighed. "Let's not do this again. We went over this  
twenty years ago."  
  
"Very well." Shampoo breathed. "About Sachiko..."  
  
"I heard what your niece said." Another sigh. "I... I'm  
putting my foot down this time, Shampoo. I won't have a child  
of mine go through the same misery I did."  
  
Shampoo's eyes went wide. "Misery? You call what YOU went  
through MISERY? You arrogant, self-centered BASTARD!" Her voice  
caught on that last syllable. She whirled, not willing to let  
Ranma see her tears.  
  
"Shampoo..." He reached out, hesitantly, to offer  
comfort. Even raising two daughters through a tumultuous  
adolescence hadn't inured him to a woman's tears.  
  
With a sob that almost sounded like a snarl, she swatted  
his hand away. "Don't touch me! Don't you DARE! You gave up  
that right a long time ago, when you took another woman as a  
wife!"  
  
"Shampoo..." He sighed. "Shampoo, I loved her..."  
  
The matriarch spun, tear-filled eyes blazing. "And you  
held nothing in your heart for me, is that it? Not even  
FRIENDSHIP?! Damn you, I would have DIED for even THAT much  
from you! But instead... Instead I was the Chinese Bimbo! The  
Gaijin WHORE who could be used up and then thrown away like  
some piece of... of GARBAGE!" She slapped him, hard, across  
the face. He took it unflinchingly. Shampoo scowled and spun  
away from him. "You... were... my beloved husband, Ranma."  
  
"I never agreed to-"  
  
"It doesn't MATTER!! It doesn't matter whether you agreed  
or not, I WAS YOUR WIFE!! Don't you understand what that  
MEANT?!"  
  
"It was just some stupid law, Shamp-" He was cut off by a  
powerful right cross that sent him to the floor of the dojo.  
In a twinkling, Shampoo was in his face, her red eyes blazing.  
  
"MAN," she spat the word like it was an expletive, "I am  
the Matriarch of the Joketsuzoku. I represent 3000 years of  
unbroken traditions, a culture that ruled an empire while your  
race was wallowing about in the mud in Korea. We have resisted  
invasion, escaped genocide, weathered the fall of the  
P.R.C... Don't you EVER presume to tell me our laws are  
stupid!"  
  
"That may be..." Ranma said, coming to his feet  
uneasily. He'd been unprepared for her strength, after his  
years of complacency. "But I didn't want to marry anyone who  
wanted me because of a _law_. I married Akane because _I_  
wanted to! Not our parents, not inheritance law, not honour,  
but BECAUSE I WANTED TO! I loved her, Shampoo... I'm sorry  
that hurts you, but..."  
  
"Ranma..." Shampoo breathed, her voice almost a whisper.  
"I loved you in spite of the law, not because of it." She  
gazed down at the smaller man, her voice taking on a distant  
tone. "The life of an Amazon warrior is never easy, Ranma. The  
life of a Matriarch, even less so." She looked away. "Since I  
was old enough to hold a weapon, I have been trained, groomed  
for the role I was to play in my tribe's destiny. Aside from  
the lessons of a warrior, my Great-Grandmother taught me that  
a Matriarch cannot stand alone, she must have a worthy mate.  
'Behind every great woman, stands a great man.' That's what  
she used to tell me. Did you know," she turned to face him.  
"That my Great-Grandmother's greatest regret was that she was  
unable to rule alongside the one warrior who had bested her?"  
  
"You mean... the old lech?!"  
  
"She claimed he was not always so bad, you know. Personally,  
I think she was full of it, but that is neither here nor there.  
Suffice it to say that at one time, his qualities apparently  
outweighed his vices. I find myself in a similar predicament. The  
man I loved proved unworthy of me, despite the fact that I  
showered him with all the love in my heart. It was a sad lesson.  
For their sakes, it is one I hope your daughters need never  
learn."  
  
"Hey... Wait a minute. Who're you calling unworthy?  
Just because I didn't love you is no call to-"  
  
Shampoo's gaze was haughty and cold. "You proved unworthy  
because you didn't care about the consequences of your  
actions. A better man would have bothered to try to minimize  
the pain he caused a woman who loved him. Do you know what my  
failure cost me, Ranma?"  
  
"Wait just a damn minute. I thought you'd already been  
punished with the-" he grimaced, "c-c-cat curse. You mean they  
did something else?"  
  
"Oh yes," she chuckled humourlessly. "My failure cost me  
more than a little face, or some silly curse. It cost me my  
freedom!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"When I returned without your head or your hand, I was  
disgraced. That, I tolerated." She laughed ruefully. "After  
chasing you for two years, I had little dignity left to me.  
For a daughter of the ruling house of Joketsuzoku, however,  
the punishments are more severe. I endured the trial by combat  
at least, so I was not given to the Musk as a brood mare.  
Instead, I was given over to a rival family as a bondswoman  
for ten years..."  
  
"Bondswoman?"  
  
"Slave, if you prefer... I was stripped of my name, my  
warrior's rank; everything I had left."  
  
"Mousse never said anything..."  
  
"He didn't know. Men are not kept appraised of the secret  
rites of our tribe."  
  
"If Mousse didn't know, how the hell was I supposed to-" He  
swallowed the rest of his retort. He could see that Shampoo had  
to get this off her chest. Maybe she was right, maybe she was  
wrong, but for now he'd hear her out. There'd be time enough for  
rebuttal when she finished. "Look, if you were a slave, how come  
you made it to Akane's funeral?"  
  
"A parole, if you will. When word of her death reached my  
Great Grandmother, I was given the opportunity to reclaim my  
honour by taking back my husband if I could. But I couldn't,  
not with Akane still warm in the ground. You were a ruined  
wreck of a man, hardly the Ranma I remembered... Do you recall  
the rather large women who accompanied me to the service?"  
  
"Yes, vaguely. I assumed that they were warriors under  
your command."  
  
"Warriors, yes. They were my jailers, not my troops. A  
year after that, I challenged for my freedom and won it by  
force of arms. By that time, Great-Grandmother was very ill.  
My mother was effectively running the tribe in my absence.  
When I regained my name, I regained my title, and mother  
stepped aside. She'd never wanted the office, you understand;  
she wasn't a warrior by inclination..."  
  
"I can't believe they did that just because you couldn't  
get a husband..."  
  
"Not merely that. I had failed to win the hand of a  
powerful warrior who would have brought new blood to the  
tribe, but worse, I left him in the hands of a woman who he  
claimed to despise..."  
  
"It was just our way! I didn't mean it, I was just a  
scared, stubborn kid."  
  
"Was it that simple? I have no idea. You certainly didn't  
_seem_ to like her... I remember a few times Great-Grandmother  
and I had to patch you up after you fell through the roof of  
the restaurant. Again and again, you said you wanted nothing  
to do with the 'uncute tomboy'. Even under the influence of  
magic or drugs, you still steadfastly denied any feelings for  
her. What was a lovestruck, naive girl to do, refuse to help  
the man she loved escape from such a horrible woman?"  
  
"Oh sure, I really appreciated the help." Ranma said  
snarkily. "Didn't the fact that you had to bribe, threaten or  
drug me to date you clue you in to the fact that I didn't like  
you that way?"  
  
"And what else was I supposed to do? Being friendly didn't  
work. It didn't work for ANY of us. Was I supposed to go smacking  
you around with mallets? That seemed to turn your crank-"  
  
"What're you suggesting?" he asked angrily. "Are you  
suggesting I'm some kind of pervert? Are you suggesting _Akane_  
was some kind of pervert? 'Cause if you are, I-"  
  
"Oh, please. You reacted to her only marginally better  
than you did to Kodachi. Am I to take it you loved her as  
well?"  
  
"No, I didn't! But it's apples and oranges, you can't  
compare them..."  
  
"Really? That's what it looked like to me. I suspect if  
you asked the spatula-girl she'd tell you the same thing..."  
  
"Dammit! You can't tell me that my love for Akane was a  
lie! I loved her, for Kamisama's sake! She gave me two  
beautiful children and the best years of her life!"  
  
Shampoo seemed to wilt slightly. It was all happening the  
same way it did all those years ago. If she was to have a chance,  
she'd have to extend an olive branch."I'm not suggesting that  
your feelings for her were lies, Ranma, nor... hers for you. All  
I'm saying is that they certainly weren't apparent to a lonely  
sixteen-year-old girl fresh off the boat from China..." She  
sighed, melancholy. "And now the cycle repeats itself. My beloved  
niece, it seems, is destined to suffer the humiliation of losing  
a husband to a girl of the Tendo clan..."  
  
"I don't know what to say to this, Shampoo. Am I supposed to  
feel guilty for marrying the woman I loved? I understand that  
what I did hurt you, more than I could have known, obviously. But  
don't you see? People were going to get hurt no matter WHO I  
chose. You can't blame me for the harshness of your people's  
laws, especially if I didn't know about 'em. It's not like you or  
the old ghoul made any effort to fill me in on the situation..."  
  
"I wanted you to love me, Ranma. Not pity me, I... Oh,  
hells. This is stupid. I've been stewing on this for two decades  
now, and I'm still going around in circles." She sighed, and  
essayed a rueful smile. "This isn't exactly how I pictured this  
reunion, you know."  
  
"Oh really? Weren't planning a shouting match, were you?"  
Ranma replied, a wry grin tugging at his mouth.  
  
"Hah! If I'd wanted that, I'd've stayed in the village,  
where I always win them. No one out-shouts the Matriarch."  
  
"I'll bet."  
  
"No, I was hoping I could find Ti-Pi a nice husband, then  
visit you, with no duties or obligations hanging over our heads.  
Now I'm just the interfering Amazon all over again."  
  
"Well, you could always back off on the whole three-way  
marriage thing. That'd help."  
  
"I can't do that, Ranma. The tribe needs strong new blood,  
and I barely managed to get the amendments to the marriage laws  
passed, even with my standing in the village. You should be  
thankful I did, you know. Otherwise, Ti-Pi would be forced to  
give your daughter the Kiss of Death..."  
  
"And you wonder why I'm opposed to this." Ranma snorted with  
disbelief.  
  
"Amazon society is changing, Ranma. I'm _making_ it change;  
slowly but surely. Your daughter is in no danger from Ti-Pi or  
myself, I promise you." Ranma still looked skeptical. "Look, this  
is a win-win situation here, Ranma. No one's disputing Sachiko's  
claim on Kobuta, we just want to stake a _joint_ claim. You can  
still join your schools, that _is_ what you're after, isn't it?  
Please, Ranma. Say you'll relent. Say you'll let me talk to your  
daughter. Trust me not to harm one who could have been my  
own..."  
  
"I don't know, Shampoo... The old ghoul..."  
  
"I am not my Great-Grandmother, Ranma, anymore than you  
are Happousai." There was a double meaning in that, she  
thought. Unlike Cologne, she would not give up on her husband.  
Nor did she think Ranma was beyond salvage...  
  
Ranma considered her words. The idea that the carefully  
planned marriage he and Ryoga had arranged could fall through  
worried him, yet how could he, in good conscience, doom  
Shampoo's niece to ten years of slavery for loving  
unfortunately? But Sachiko...  
  
"I'll speak to Sacchi. She's not a cruel girl, really."  
He laughed self-consciously. "To be honest, she's not terribly  
fond of young Kobuta herself, yet. I will not promise that  
she'll agree, however. I had hoped that my daughter would have  
an easier time of it than I did, though."  
  
"The fates are seldom so kind, Ranma." Shampoo said,  
smiling softly. "Thank you, Ranma Saoto-, Ranma Tendo. You  
have made Ti-Pi's path easier."  
  
"I wish..." Ranma whispered.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"I wish that I had known. Back then. I don't know if I'd  
have done anything differently, but I didn't wish you harm,  
Shampoo, I hope you know that..." He reached out to touch her  
shoulder, but withdrew, remembering her earlier reproach.  
  
The Matriarch reached out and took his hand, squeezing  
gently. "I know. That is why I do not, cannot hate you. You  
are not an evil man, Ranma. Frustrating, yes. Insensitive,  
definitely. Foolish, certainly. But not evil."  
  
"Gee, thanks..." Ranma muttered. Shampoo squeezed his  
hand again. "Heh. So... Where are you staying?"  
  
"Oh, I was thinking that this benighted ward needs a good  
Chinese restaurant..."  
  
"Hmm... Well, Ucchan's serves ramen, now that Mousse is  
co-owner-" the squeeze suddenly became a lot less gentle.  
"Hey now! It's not the same." He smiled kindly as the  
pressure lessened. "It's not like you used to make..."  
  
"That's better." The Matriarch smiled.  
  
"Yeah," Ranma muttered teasingly, "no weird Chinese hug-  
me herbs..."  
  
Shampoo's eyes went wide, then she caught the teasing  
tone and grinned fiercely. "Oh, is that so..? Well, I need no  
herbs for _that_, little man..." With a quick jerk on their  
still joined hands, she brought Ranma to her chest. "See?"  
  
"Aha, umm, er..." Ranma stumbled, excruciatingly aware of  
Shampoo's hard, warm body pressed up against him.  
  
"What's the matter, Ranma..?" Shampoo whispered huskily,  
her sweet breath tickling his lips. "Cat got your tongue?"  
  
"Ah, no, no..." Ranma sputtered. She was so close, and so  
beautiful... and it had been ten years and change since...  
  
"Well, she's certainly about to..." Shampoo breathed as  
she leaned in towards his unresisting mouth...  
  
"ALL RIGHT!" A voice yelled from the doorway. "That's  
ENOUGH of THAT!!!"  
  
Ranma spun, practically leaping out of Shampoo's embrace.  
Shampoo merely sighed and rolled her eyes. Of _course_ they'd  
be interrupted, how foolish of her to imagine otherwise...  
  
Sachiko stood in the doorway, and outraged frown on her  
face. "You get the heck away from my Daddy, you... you... "  
  
She was cut off by a quick hand over her mouth. Ranko  
popped up behind her and wrapped her up in a half-nelson with  
her free arm. "Aheh. Pardon us. Go back about your  
business..."  
  
Sachiko wriggled out of her sister's half-hearted hold  
and stalked forward. "Now listen here, you! You leave-"  
  
"No, YOU listen here, young lady." Shampoo said firmly.  
"It's very rude to eavesdrop on people, not to mention  
entering a room unannounced. Now go back out, knock, and wait  
to be admitted."  
  
Sachiko goggled. "WHA-AT?!"  
  
"You heard me." Shampoo stated plainly. "It's a sad day  
when a gaijin like myself must lecture proper young Japanese  
ladies on etiquette..."  
  
"I WON'T!" Sachiko yelled. "Daddy, tell her..." She  
stared hard at her father, who simply looked dazed.  
Exasperated, she spun on Ranko. "Well?! Aren't you going to  
say something?!"  
  
"Yep." Ranko said, grabbing her sister and tossing her  
over her shoulder like a sack of rice. "We're goin'. Now." She  
turned and nodded at the adults. "Pops. Lady. We'll be waitin'  
in the house. Take your time, but we're gonna expect an  
explanation, alright?"  
  
Shampoo nodded. This one would be a worthy pupil. "More  
than reasonable, Miss Tendo. Your father and I will join you  
momentarily."   
  
"Good. Just make it soon, Okay? I got a tournament in the  
mornin', an' I need ta sleep. Oh, an' Pops?" She looked over  
at her dazed father, and flashed him a thumbs-up. "S'about  
time, y'old goat. See ya back at the house." And with that,  
she left, carting her thrashing sister along with her.  
  
"Remarkable girl." Shampoo muttered, sweatdropping.  
  
Ranma could only nod mutely.  
  
Regaining her composure, Shampoo chuckled. "So, shall we  
pick up where we left off?"  
  
Still dazed, Ranma mumbled an affirmative, before coming  
to himself. "Wait, now." He gently pulled away. "This is...  
happening too fast. We hardly know each other anymore. We  
can't..."  
  
"Why not?" Shampoo said quizzically. "We're both single  
adults... Your eldest has given her blessing..."  
  
"It's not that..." Ranma said thoughtfully. "I just don't  
think I'm ready to... Well, especially not here. This place  
was Akane's, long before it was mine. I-"  
  
"I understand, Ranma." Shampoo hung her head slightly,  
resigned. I suppose it was a bit much to hope we could cast  
all those years aside..."  
  
"Well, I'm not saying that I'm not... Well... Perhaps, we  
could have dinner together? Away from the kids?"  
  
"That..." Shampoo's voice held a breath of hope. "That  
would be nice."  
  
"Good, I'm glad." Ranma smiled. "It _is_ good to see you  
again, my friend."  
  
"Thank you... friend." Shampoo smiled. Friend, and  
hopefully, eventually... Maybe something more.  
  
************************  
  
Across Nerima, young fighters lay their heads down to  
sleep, the better to rise refreshed for the tournament on the  
morrow.  
  
At the Kuno mansion, Kin lay in her vast four-poster bed,  
visions of endorsements and championship titles dancing in her  
head. Oddly enough, though, her last thoughts before drifting  
off to sleep were of a certain diminutive ninja...  
  
Down the hall, her cousin, Burakuro Taro, dozed as well,  
exhausted from his labours. His unwanted bedmate curled under  
his arm.  
  
"Bura-sama..." Lina sighed happily, lost in her dreams.  
  
In the apartments above Ucchan's Okonomiyaki, Chugoku's  
mother and father tucked her in, a gentle kiss on her forehead  
from each.  
  
"Sleep tight, sugar." Her mom smiled. "You're gonna need  
your rest."  
  
"I'll make you guys proud tomorrow, I promise..." Chugo  
sighed happily.  
  
"We know you will, honey," her father whispered, turning  
off the lights.  
  
At the modest home of the Gosunkugi family, Hikaru pulled  
his attention away from the vidscreen and turned to his wife.  
  
"Darling?" He asked absently. "Where's Lina?"  
  
"She's over at her friend Kin's."  
  
"Oh." He went back to his talk show.  
  
In his bedroom above the Tofu clinic, Keiichi  
doublechecked his alarm. He'd be up, out of the house, and at  
the tournament before his folks even woke up. Once he'd shown  
them he could handle himself, they'd forgive him...  
  
In a small bungalow near the uncleared rubble that once  
was Tomobiki High School, a brown-haired half-oni girl curled  
up, dreams of the myriad studmuffins she'd see at the  
tournament tomorrow tantalizing her senses. All those big,  
strong boys, getting all sweaty... their soaked dogis  
straining against bulging pectorals, biceps and... Oooh!!!   
  
Supaaku Moroboshi giggled to herself. It was gonna be a  
great day!  
  
In a strange crystalline spacecraft in the outskirts of  
the solar system, a black haired girl floated, her artificial  
tail lashing.  
  
"Myaaah!" The spacecraft chirped.  
  
"Bedtime already? Aw, c'mon Ryo-Oh-Ki! S'only.. what,  
eleven o' clock on Jurai?"  
  
"Myah, Myahh..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I know, thruster-lag. Yeesh." She shook out  
her spiky mane and hovered over to the acceleration couch that  
doubled as a cot.  
  
"Myah!"  
  
"Huh? Incoming call? Who from?"  
  
"Mya-ah..."  
  
Sigh. "Okay, I'll take it." A viewscreen flickered to  
life, displaying the regal (and annoyed) features of the Co-  
Empress of Jurai. "Hiya, Auntie Ayeka."  
  
"Don't you 'hiya' me, young lady! Where do you think  
you're going?" Ayeka huffed. "You've a marriage meeting in two  
solar cycles! You can't go... gallivanting around the colonies  
now!"  
  
"Listen, Auntie. The only guy I wanna marry's waiting for  
me back on Earth."  
  
"The Hibiki boy? The pig farmer's son? Are you mad?"  
  
"And what's wrong with him? He's honest, and brave, and  
handsome, and fun..."  
  
"HE'S A PIG FARMER!!!"  
  
"So? Dad was a carrot farmer..."  
  
"Your father was the crown prince! Gardening was merely a  
hobby!" Ayeka looked distraught. "Please, Achika! What will  
your mother think? She left you in my care while she and the  
Emperor went on vacation!"  
  
"Ryo-Oh-Ki already checked. Mom says she doesn't care, so  
long as I don't get knocked up, and remember to bring her back  
some sake."  
  
Ayeka was speechless. Achika signed off with a jaunty  
wave. "'Bye Auntie! I'll say hi to Grampa for ya!"  
  
Back on Earth, all across Japan, warriors touched down,  
or disembarked, or checked into their hotels.   
  
Shauna Masters checked into the Tokyo Hilton penthouse  
suite with her Daddy's credit card.  
  
"Sure'll be good to face Tendo again. This year, I'll  
really give her a run for her money!"  
  
Several floors down, another blonde girl, this one with  
an almost silver mane, flopped down on her bed and sighed.   
  
"Tournament Fighting. Bleah. Oh, well, at least I'll get  
to see my little Ranko-chan again!" She giggled to herself and  
began to unpack, bouncing excessively. Ichino Bogard had  
arrived.  
  
A lone cloaked figure disembarked from the proverbial  
slow boat from China. (Actually, in this day and age, it was a  
slow hovercraft, but the spirit was the same.) The regal  
figure's eyes flashed yellow-green as he smiled, showing a  
hint of fang. A customs agent held out his hand.  
  
"Passport?"  
  
The cloaked figure handed over his documents.  
  
"Huh. What kind of a name is 'Hemlock', anyway?" the  
customs man chortled.  
  
His laughter was cut short by a choking grip on his  
throat. "It is a Musk name. It is _Prince_ Hemlock, worm. You  
would do well to remember it..."  
  
At Giants Stadium in downtown Tokyo, the preparations  
were already underway for the greatest fighting extravagaza in  
history...  
  
Won't you join us next time, for the main event?  
  
  
***************************************************  
  
Whew! Next up: The King Of Fighters Tournament!  
  
Comments? Questions? Betting odds? Contact  
deibu_kun@sympatico.ca, or respond to the FFML  
  
  
  



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